So I had finally made it to Wednesday, my dad's birthday. Here is what it was like for me.

I had decided early on that this would need to be a day that I should get out of the house and have face to face interactions. I planned out to work at both of my out of the home jobs and do some social things as well. I had contacted our trusted sitter just in case I needed her that night as well.

I went in and worked at my accounting job for a few hours in the early morning. I made sure to wear very comfortable clothes, some of my favorites to be gentle with myself. I then went in and worked at the spa and gave a couple of massages to loyal clients who were forewarned that ... more

• Vogue magazine. It sounds funny, but yes, Vogue is a coping mechanism for me. Every year I look so forward to the September issue. I study it. Read every article, save out the photos of outfits that I want to copy. This year, knowing that I was going to be dealing with personal issues at the end of the month, I didn't let myself read the issue when it came in the mail. I hid it from myself, wrapped in the plastic until this week. It gave me something to look forward to, that I knew I would enjoy immensely when I really needed it.
• Sex ... more

As I had written before, I knew that this week was going to be a difficult one because of my dad's birthday on Wednesday. Here are some of the ways that I've coped with the mourning that surrounded the day:

• I gave Chris and the kids and my clients and friends a heads up about what the week would be like for me. Knowing in advance that I was going to be sad and somewhat unpredictable and unavailable, I knew that Chris would need a concrete reminder that things might be a little to a lot off. I left him the same sticky note on his keys every morning that ... more

I'm in a waiting game with myself this week. Kind of dealing with my grief in all areas again as my dad's birthday is on Wednesday and it is hitting me pretty hard. I know that this will take an upward swing again, but waiting for the upward pull while experiencing the downward pull is slow going. I decided to look into ways to help with the wait and came across this page of adivice from Resolve. Although I'm not waiting for results from IVF, the suggestions sound pretty wise to me.

Emotional Coping Strategies

Limit the number of people you tell about your cycle and let them know ... more

I mentioned in an earlier post that I had ordered the Healing Grief Cd from healingjourneys.com. As I was researching which CD to order, I searched the archives and found a letter about grief that I felt Belleruth answered with the utmost caring and wisdom. I will be posting a little more about the actual CD later on and my experience with it. I felt that everyone dealing with grief could benefit from reading the letter. Here it is:

Most of the trite sayings about loss are true, so if I sound sickeningly prosaic, please bear with me.
First of all, if you can identify all these feelings of ... more

I was over on Tertia's blog today and she posted the following article:

Wine-drinking women are more fertile - report

September 18 2003 at 11:30AM

Copenhagen - Women who drink moderate quantities of wine become pregnant more easily than their teetotal or beer-supping sisters, a Danish medical review reported Thursday.

According to Dagens Medecin a study of 30,000 women showed that those who chose a glass of wine over beer or spirits were most likely to conceive. The least ... more

A good friend of mine forwarded this site to me. It is hilarious. People write in and tell what they used to believe when they were children. For use in this blog, they have sections on sex and pregnancy. Here are some examples:

I used to believe that boys had boy babies, and girls had girl babies.

That was when I was 3-7. I'm 15 now.

Stefanie Michelle

I used to believe that if a pregnant woman had a bump out the front she would have only one child. Twins meant bumps out both sides. Side bumps and a front bump ... more

Here is an example of a fertility related article from www.happynews.com.

Reported in this article is that the painting "Roots" by Frida Kahlo set the record as the highest price for the sale of a piece of Latin American art. It also set a high for the artist as well. Here is part of the background behind the painting.

The 1943 oil-on-metal shows the artist reclining in a bright orange dress ... more

In this very early morning, Ivy woke up and was talking to me, not really awake, but not asleep either at 3 a.m. As she was falling back to sleep she told me, "Mama, my piggies hurt." I went over and looked at her toes and didn't find anything wrong. I asked her if she wanted me to give them a magic kiss. She said, "No, prolly it needs a band aid to be all better." I went to the cupboard and got her a large band aid that I put on top of her foot. She touched it, sighed, and went to sleep.

When Chris woke up I told him this cute story and we ... more

If you are like me and have put off watching the last episodes of the series "Sex and the City" for years, don't continue reading this post because I will blow the ending for you.

Chris and I lead a sparse life as far as cable goes. We have the most basic package available and for the most part, think that we have a great fit. Not having HBO though was difficult, as I had to get my SATC fixes when the seasons would come out on video, or later, on DVD. I love to imagine a life like Carrie's life, especially the fashions. This woman ... more

Still wading through my found New York Times that was buried in a tote in my kitchen, I read the oddest article while on the treadmill. Titled,"And Next to the Bearded Lady, Premature Babies" by Michael Brick. What?!!

It seems that from 1903 to the 1940, Dr. Martin A. Couney used preemies as a freak attraction in incubators, just like the other participants like the bearded lady and such. Here is the intro:

The babies were lined up under heaters and they breathed filtered air. Few of them weighed more ... more

While I was deeply desiring a baby, I couldn't get enough of anything baby-related. I was a closet reader of magazines like Parents, loved catalogs by Hannah Anderson and adored baby pictures of children known and unknown to me. This was at the height of the Anne Geddes craze, so I was able to get a baby pic fix pretty readily. I never did buy any of her stuff though. Especially her last coffee table book which freaked me out with those women wearing sheer dresses with babies tucked underneath. Ick.

Last night I was groping through piles of ... more

Everyday we are bombarded by media images. Some are good, yet most are depressing and negative. Hey, that is the stuff that sells. It is hard to not get dragged into the belief that the world is a bad place, that most people are evil and that there is nothing that the everyday person can do, except protect themselves and their families from the scary world that we live in.

I came across a magazine promo to help ... more

I remember Chris crying after she was born. I remember him having me hold her all swaddled in her blankets. I also remember telling him to take her back because I was about to drop her I was so tired and drugged. I don't remember her crying. The detachment that I felt from pregnancy and delivery was huge. Like watching a movie on lifetime, not my real life. It was the drugs and the exhaustion, not the dramatic fantasy I had played out in my head for so long.

Now she is 3. People tell me that it goes so fast, yet it really hasn't yet. When I look at her and think about our experience together, she should be about 7 now. But she is 3 and everything I needed, although ... more

Three years ago yesterday, I was in the hospital, having my daughter after 26 hours of labor and a c-section. Just thinking back to that day makes me exhausted. Coming down to delivery felt like I was nearing the end of the longest infertility/pregnancy/labor marathon that anyone could have ever dreamed up in their sick minds.

While I was on the operating table, some of the anesthesia dripped into my lungs, making me not able to feel myself breathing. It was the oddest sensation. Before I said anything to the doctor, through my mind I was thinking that I was dying. I was thinking that this was it, there would be no more of me after this surgery. The panic that I expected ... more

From thisarticle, I also found out that it is possible to achieve pregnancy while suffering from an eating disorder. This is mostly true for women who are bulimic, in part, because they are able to have a healthy body weight during their bouts with their disease.

From the article, here are some of the risks of being pregnant while having an eating disorder:

Getting pregnant while suffering from an eating disorder increases the risk of:

Gestational diabetes
Preeclampsia
Labor complications
Needing a c-section
Postpartum ... more

Above my posts on this blog is a banner that advertises certain resolutions to infertility and information on adoption and such. While I was reading through my comments a while back, I noticed that all three ads were regarding eating disorders. Knowing that there must be a link between the two, I delved further into the connection.

The site pregnancy-info.net had the following information.

Right out of the box, I got a surprise that I didn't ... more

After my surgeries for my miscarriages, I lived in my robe. It is so ratty and old and falling apart that you wouldn't believe that it survives the wash like it does. I have had this robe for years, at least a decade, maybe even two! It is blue and white striped cotton, lined with white terry cloth.

It was a Christmas gift from my Nana. It has seen me through finals, marriages, divorce, recoveries, pregnancies, breast feeding, and countless nights of pacing the floor with various worries. It has become my second skin.

Last year it began falling apart and I began negotiations with a client about turning it into a blanket, pillow case, or something like that to rescue ... more

I was sitting in church this Sunday listening to others share their joys and concerns. A woman stood up and wanted prayers for her granddaughter and grandson in law. Her granddaughter had just suffered a miscarriage last week and she was concerned for them.

While she was talking and sharing the news my mouth went dry. My stomach hardened. I remembered going to my first church service after my miscarriages and wanting to get up and share what had happened, but I couldn't. I just sat quietly with tears running down my face. It was hard being there, but even harder to not be there. All of the memories around that time are difficult to remember. During that period in my ... more

This may be old news to some of you, but it was new news to me today. I was in the waiting room at my son's doctor's office, reading a newer issue of Psychology Today Magazine. In one of their little blurbs, they mentioned a study in which hypnosis aids women undergoing ivf. The actual study was not mentioned in the small article, but, thanks once again to google, I found the study.

Reported on August 24, 2004 www.OurJerusalem.com ran the article. Quoting David Brinn, here are some of the highlights of ... more

Here is some advice from Akeeyu at HerVeryOwn blog that I entirely agree with for all of you new-to-blogs readers:

I hate this stage. I am loathe to type a single word when I know we'll be cycling so soon because I suspect that in six weeks I'll just be one more example of why you should never read infertility blogs backwards. It's too depressing to read about stale hope and old loss when you know how things come out in the end. Sometimes I go back and read old entries and am struck by the urge to yell "Look out!" at the screen, as if I'm watching a horror movie late at night. Reading backwards means that you ... more

I got an email this week mentioning the ov-watch. I was curious to see what it was all about.

Upon first seeing the above photo, I thought to myself, "No way, would I wear that!" I had images of wearing the watch in public, at work etc. People coming up to me, knowing that I was trying to get pregnant. Again, "No way!" But after reading through their site, I learned that you only wear the watch at night, so your conception plans can remain private if you wish.

Here's how ... more

One of my close friends who is an artist, wrote essays on various things this past year. She self-published a small number of volumes to pass around and I got my hands on a copy, to my delight. As a surprise to me, she had written down her thoughts about Bec's adoption and put them in the book. Here is what she had to say:

Young friends and former students adopted an African baby. It is their story to tell and I will not trespass from the sidelines. Being at the airport to photograph and witness the arrival and welcome the baby was an incredible honor.

Not having had children of our own or having adopted, it is difficult to fathom the range of emotions ... more

Keeps Me Thinking Blogging for this site about fertility, infertility and adoption, always has my mind in a whirl. I haven't been in classes for a while, yet my blog has given me an opportunity to educate myself in different ways that I never would have explored on my own. I am already addicted to magazines, so this one source for articles was tapped in my spare time. As for the rest, I give thanks to google.
Offering My Story/OpinionMy miscarriages and recovery were turning points in my life. They were some of the most traumatic and painful events that I had ever experienced. It took me a long time to be able to open up and share these ... more

Continuing on with my blogging reasons:

Connections with Others Being able to send people to my blog to keep up with dad's treatments, etc. was very rewarding. Instead of having to retell the same emotional story over and over, spending my sanity with every telling I was able to keep everyone informed through the written word. It was also helpful that everyone could access the info at once. Instead of having to think about who to call first, I knew that I could blog at 3 in the morning if I needed to and everyone would get the ... more

Thinking about the ending of one of my favorite blogs, I started to think about beginnings. If I can come up with reasons to end a blog, can I also think up reasons to begin one? Here are the top ten reasons why I keep a blog.

Documentation
The first blog that I started was my personal blog a couple of years ago. We had just realized how sick my dad really was and I knew that I would want to document the journey of our family into the illness of cancer. I knew that my mind wouldn't be as sharp as usual, wouldn't remember details later on, and I wanted to have some sort of record to look back on during this time, so later on I could look back and ... more

I was reading an article today about recurrent miscarriages. In this article one of the experts is quoted as saying,

Dr. Stephanie Rhone says, "we find a cause for about 60-percent of our couples that we see. About 40-percent of our couples have unexplained recurrent loss, either because of bad luck, random losses or because there's something underlying. We haven't been able to discover yet or don't know how to test for."

The wording of "bad luck" got ... more

A situation has come up recently where my jealous feelings have once again emerged. Jealousy was a huge part of my life while I was dealing with my miscarriages, and I would hide in the face of it. I was ashamed. I was lonely and outside of many social situations (ie, baby showers) that I would have loved to enjoy if I could have put my jealous feelings aside. This time, as my jealousy became apparent, I decided to look into ways of dealing with it a little better.

I found a page on allaboutlifechallenges.org. Here were their suggestions that made sense to me:

Develop ... more

I was checking in with my favorite blogs last night, looking for some inspiration and also some updates on families that I know and I came across the following post from my friend, the blogger also known as Mary Poppins.

Good Bye
The parrot on the end of Mary Poppins' umbrella has been squawking something about the winds changing. This morning, MP stuck her head out the window, and son-of-a-gun, the parrot was right. Perfect winds for a departure. Perfect winds for a happy ending and a happy beginning. MP will now snap, and her computer, keyboard, printer, and digital camera will hop into her carpet bag. She must hurry if she is to catch up with the children ... more

I know that there is a quote out there somewhere that states that everything that can be created has already been created, or something to that tune. Well, I encountered this with today's post. I had the bright idea of researching and running a list of celebrities that have had miscarriages. Starting to do my search, I ran across, babyfruit. This blog is written by Aliza Sherman Risdahl and it has a list of celebrities who have miscarried. Some of her sources may be a ... more