While I was going through fertility treatments, I became very depressed. I found myself in a deep funk and had no idea how to pull myself out of it. I was listening to a talk radio show when a woman called in to talk about her own deep depression. The radio host asked her, "What have you done for somebody else lately?"

I thought that was a really weird question until I listened to the radio host's explanation. She talked about how depression keeps us focused on ourselves and that, when we reach outside of ourselves to help another person, we find relief from our own ... more

Most women struggle at one time or another with their body image. I do not know why this is, but most women I know either struggle with it now or have in the past, even when they are healthy and beautiful. When you struggle with your fertility, body image issues become an even bigger challenge.

Before I knew that I was infertile, I saw an episode of the TV show Roseanne in which Roseanne's daughter, Darlene, first got her period. She was having a rough time and asked her mother why she had to have periods. Roseanne said, "I will give you three reasons," and ... more

In the world of fertility, we can sometimes become "snobs" about what counts as true fertility issues. For example, I have posted that some women suffering from primary infertility (unable to conceive a baby at all) do not consider women suffering from secondary infertility (unable to conceive after giving birth to one or more children) to "count" as truly infertile. This attitude has caused pain to at least one of my readers, who was "outcasted" from a fertility forum because she had previously birthed a baby. ... more

To me, the sperm wash was one of the most fascinating fertility procedures. The term "sperm wash" sounded like the doctor was going to take my husband's sperm, give it a good bath, and then put it to work. I was surprised to learn that water was not even involved in a sperm wash. (No soap, either!!)

Instead, a sperm wash is more like sending the sperm to Disneyland before they have to get back to work. The semen sample goes into a glass tube, which is placed in a machine that spins the sperm very fast for several minutes. In fact, it ... more

The post-coital test (PCT) is one of the least painful diagnostic tests but can also be uncomfortable from an emotional standpoint. Fertilitycommunity.com describes the PCT as follows:

An examination which may reveal existing problems between the interaction of sperm with cervical mucus . . . Cervical mucus is collected via pelvic exam a few hours after sexual intercourse has occurred around the time of ovulation. Cervical mucus is then observed via microscope to assess the condition of any sperm present. - ... more

What is a Hysterosalpingogram (HSG)? Fertilitycommunity.com defines the test as follows:

HSG is a test used primarily to determine if a woman's fallopian tubes are open or blocked. HSG also gives some idea as to the integrity (condition) of the endometrial cavity (uterine interior.) It is known as the most uncomfortable of diagnostic procedures for females. - Hysterosalpingogram or ... more

You might be fertility challenged if ...

• You know that a sperm wash does not involve water.
• You can easily determine on what day of the week your cycle started in April 2005.
• You ever worried about getting a traffic ticket while transporting a specimen cup.
• You know what an LH surge is.
• You think pap smears are a piece of cake.
• You can calculate a potential baby's due date in less than three seconds.
• Your spouse cringes whenever you go to the bathroom.
• You ... more

How do you feel about fertility advertisements on the radio? I personally do not like them. Yes, I know there is a need for them. There are certainly enough fertility-challenged couples out there looking to find a fertility center. However, I found them particularly challenging when I was going through fertility treatments myself.

What really used to get to me in those ads was the sound of babies. There was one radio ad in my city that ended with the laughter of a little baby, and it tore me up inside every time I heard it. As soon as the ... more

The other day, I was scanning the radio and came across a Christian music station. The disc jockey was interviewing the women from the musical group Point of Grace. I do not know much about the group. I have Christmas CD by Jim Brickman in which he collaborates with this group. I think their voices are amazing, so I decided to listen to some of the interview.

One of the women in the group shared a story about a painful experience in her life. ... more

When I was taking the hormone Clomid, I struggled with hot flashes. I had heard about hot flashes from menopausal women, but I really did not understand what one was until I had one.

When I learned that hot flashes were a potential side effect, I was relieved that none happened while I was taking the Clomid. The hot flashes started about a week after I stopped taking the drug. Out of nowhere, I would suddenly feel very, very hot. I would start sweating, ... more

When I was taking the hormone Clomid, I struggled with migraines. Not every woman experiences this side effect, but it is quite a challenge for those of us who do.

I would experience a migraine the first day on the pills and then the first day off. I believe this was due to my body adjusting to the presence and then absence of the hormones. I would feel irritable and aggressive. During that stage of my life, I was a very passive person, so ... more

When my husband and I were struggling with our fertility, we felt like we did not fit in anywhere. We were in our early thirties before we finally became parents, and most of my friends became parents in their mid-twenties. This meant that I stayed in a different stage of life than most of the people I knew, which made me feel like the "odd man out."

Most of my friends followed the same pattern: They married in their early- to mid-twenties and then had babies a couple of years later. My husband and I were married for almost 9 years when ... more

As Halloween approaches, I am thinking about all of you who are struggling with fertility treatments. Halloween was always a bittersweet time of year for me. On the one hand, I have always loved Halloween. I love the concept of getting to be someone else for a night. On the other hand, that holiday is all about children, which is painful for anyone enduring infertility.

I remember sitting next to my husband on our front steps with a large bowl of candy between us. We both loved to see the little children in their cute costumes. ... more

When I was desperately trying to become a mother, I wrestled with my faith. I had always heard that if I "had faith" and prayed hard enough, that God would answer my prayers. Yet, month after month, my prayers were not answered (at least not in the way that I wanted them answered).

I could not understand why God would not bless me with a child. I was married, financially secure, in my late twenties, and quite ready to become a mother. I was doing everything "right," but a baby was not coming. What was I doing wrong?

One person ... more

When my husband and I were trying to become parents, one of the ways we would cheer ourselves up was by eating out at a nice restaurant. As I shared in Taking Clomid While Dining at a French Restaurant, "nice" is a relative term. To us, eating a leisurely dinner at Outback Steakhouse was a welcomed treat. So, if we found out that I was not pregnant (again), my husband would take me out to dinner at Outback in an effort to cheer me ... more

When I was going through fertility treatments, I felt like I was riding an emotional roller coaster. My emotions went up and down several times a month. I sometimes feared that I was losing my mind.

It was so hard not to get my hopes up after each intrauterine insemination (IUI), even after having so many fail before. After all, it could happen this time, and I was so ready to know that a baby was on the way.

There were times that I would even catch ... more

One frustration that several of my friends have had is a lack of privacy while undergoing fertility treatments. One of my friends was mortified when she went to the bank and the bank teller knew details about her menstrual cycle and her husband's sperm count. How did this near-stranger know this stuff about her? One of her relatives has a big mouth.

Unfortunately, many people love to talk about other people's problems. They doubly like to talk about other people's problems when those problems are not something experienced by most ... more

I never ask married couples if they have children. That was such a painful question for me when my husband and I were enduring fertility treatments. We had already been married almost 5 years when we started seeing a fertility specialist and were in our late twenties, so people were constantly asking us about why we did not have children yet.

There was no good way to answer that question. I was not going to lie and say yes, but saying no invited a terrible round of inquiries. If you just say no, then there are ... more

Privacy is a big issue for many people going through fertility treatments. Some people (like me) feel the need to talk about everything they are going through. They need emotional support from other people, and they need other people to understand all that they are going through. Talking about the fertility procedures can be emotionally healing for some.

Other people are much more private (like my husband), and the last thing they want is for others to know about their private business like sperm counts or menstrual ... more

A big challenge when undergoing fertility procedures is staying in synch with your spouse. No two people think exactly alike, and both of you need to agree about what procedures to try in your quest to become parents. Some couples argue about the timing; others argue about which procedures to try. Still others argue about whether to seek professional help at all.

If you and your spouse are not in synch, don't despair: You are definitely not alone. As I shared in my post, ... more

It is very difficult to keep the romance alive while you are going through fertility treatments. You will sometimes have to be celibate on nights when you would really like to make love, such as on your anniversary or Valentine's Day. This is an even bigger problem if one of your fertility issues involves a low sperm count. Our fertility specialist told us that my husband's sperm needed to be 2-5 days "old" to obtain an optimum specimen for an intrauterine insemination ... more

From what I hear, there are some couples who manage to go through fertility procedures walking side-by-side in complete agreement about what to do next. They never argue and are completely supportive of each other throughout the entire process. They are able to nurture their marriage and stay positive about life as they go through fertility procedures. I believe that all of these couples live in Stepford Subdivision in a place called Fantasy Land. If you live there, then you can stop reading now. ... more

Week Four was the hardest week of all. This was when I needed to start taking progesterone supplements to support the pregnancy if I had, in fact, conceived. When I took progesterone in pill form, I struggled with depression. When I took progesterone in other forms, I had to deal with the logistics because the other forms were messy and uncomfortable.

I would spend my time during Week Four examining every nuance of my body, looking for signs to show that I had ... more