Do you ever think about how much money you would have in the bank if fertility treatments came with refunds? Considering I paid for over 20 intrauterine inseminations (IUIs), three surgeries, and over two years worth of three different types of hormones, I probably do not even want to know the total cost. It might make me really ill.

Isn't it annoying how most things come with money-back guarantees but fertility treatments do not? I am paid for each post that I write on this blog. I do not get paid ... more

One of the hardest parts of dealing with my fertility issues was hearing about women becoming pregnant who were not even trying. Jamie Lynn Spears' recent pregnancy announcement is a good example of this. She is only 16 years old and clearly was not trying to become pregnant. And yet, here she is figuring out at sixteen how to raise a baby when thousands of married infertile women would give anything to have that kind of surprise. Sometimes life is just not fair.

My son watched ... more

If you are checking this blog today, then you are probably looking for some emotional support. The message you probably need to hear the most is that you are not alone and that you are going to be okay.

I know how badly you are hurting because I have been there. I tried to focus on the joy on my nephew's faces. I tried to be appreciative of the great presents I received. I tried to enjoy the delicious food and appreciate the family that I had, but there was an empty place at my table. More importantly, there was an empty place in my arms. ... more

Photo Credit: Lynda Bernhardt

I am sending out prayers, positive thoughts, and positive energy to all of my readers who are facing another Christmas with empty arms. I remember the pain all too well. I spent four Christmases choking back the tears.

On the first of these painful Christmases, I had announced a few months prior that we were trying to have a baby. My mother-in-law poured wine for all of us and asked if it was okay for me to have some. It was hard to tell her that I, unfortunately, could imbibe.

On the second of these painful ... more

When I was going through fertility treatments, I kind of thought becoming pregnant with twins would be great. I would get a "two for one" deal and not have to worry about conceiving a second time. Twins actually run in my family, so I thought it would be great.

However, I was not willing to try in vitro fertilization (IVF) because, at the time I was going through fertility treatments, multiples of three or more was too common for my taste. I did not want to carry a "litter" inside of ... more

Unexplained infertility is a very frustrating diagnosis for many couples. According to the article Unexplained Infertility, 10% of all infertile couples have a diagnosis of "unexplained infertility," which is just a more professional-sounding way for a doctor to say, "You've stumped me."

As the article points out, some couples have nothing physically wrong with their reproductive systems but are just plain unlucky. However, in other cases, there is a reason ... more

Are there any perks to being infertile? Maybe the use of the word "perks" is a stretch, but I have found some benefits to the delay in starting my family.

By the time my son came along, most of my friends had already completed their families. This meant that they had a lot of boy clothing that they no longer needed. I did not have to buy any clothing for my son until he turned four years old. In fact, I received so many hand-me-downs that I had enough to share with others. I could not even fit all of the clothing into my son's closet.

Because most ... more

Some couples spend a very long time trying to conceive. Birthdays and holidays pass year after year, and people who are struggling with their fertility feel like they are just spinning their wheels. Several years seem like one big blur of pain and disappointment.

Meanwhile, the lives of their friends continue to grow and change. They watch their friends' children go from diapers to preschool to Little League. Friends meet their spouses, marry, and have babies in their arms during the span of some infertile couples' quest for parenthood.

Then there are ... more

One of my struggles as an infertile woman is controlling my temper at the arrogance of some fertile couples. Some people who have never faced fertility challenges fail to appreciate the blessing that being able to conceive a child really is. I just want to smack them when I hear their complaints about things not being completely "perfect" when I would have given anything to be in their shoes.

For example, there are the people who really want a particular gender and spend a lot of time complaining about what they don't have rather than ... more

It is not often that I wish I lived in New York. I am a Southern gal through and through and enjoy the milder temperatures of the South. However, my geographical location is causing me to miss out on seeing an interesting off-Broadway play about infertility. I hope that some of my readers can check it out and let me know what they think.

I received an e-mail from Andrew Kaplan about his one-man play, He's Having a Baby, that that he is performing Off-Broadway in Manhattan. In his e-mail, he told me ... more

One of the most frustrating parts of the fertility process is when your doctor becomes stumped by your inability to conceive. If each attempt to conceive has a certain chance of succeeding, then you should statistically conceive after a certain number of attempts. For example, if a particular procedure has 20% odds of succeeding, then five attempts ought to fix the problem, right?

I believe my doctor said our odds were 10% of conceiving with each intrauterine ... more

When hub and I were going through fertility treatments, the holidays always seemed to bring with them an added level of stress. We were doing intrauterine inseminations (IUIs), so we (obviously) needed a doctor involved in order to complete the procedure. One year, my ovulation period fell right on top of Christmas, so my doctor told me to take the month off of trying to conceive, but we could still try to become pregnant conventionally. Of course, all I could think was, "Thanks a ... more

My son had a program at his school. All of the children were cute, and I was enjoying myself until I saw my "dream child" walk onto the stage. This little girl looks exactly like I imagined hub's and my daughter would look. Her hair is the same color as mine, and the shape of her face looks very much like mine, too. Even though I have been a mother for almost seven years through adoption and have no desire to parent a second child, seeing my dream child hurt.

I have a friend whose daughter also reminds me of what my daughter might have been like. ... more

When my husband and I married, we put ourselves on the "five year plan." We would both work full-time and save up money to start a family. When we married, I had no desire to be a mother yet but figured I would want it someday. Then, my nephew was born, and my biological clock started ticking. Unfortunately, my nephew's birth did nothing to get my husband's clock going. All he saw was a whole lot of work, sleepless nights, dirty diapers, and one big fat expense.

After four years passed, I started counting down the days until we would start trying to conceive. ... more

During the holiday season, it seems safer to crawl under a rock for a month than it does to venture out of your house. You simply cannot get away from the reminder that Christmas is here, and seemingly everyone other than you is celebrating the holidays with a child.

You turn on the radio, and the disc jockey is talking about a "Breakfast with Santa" fundraiser. You see holiday decorations that appeal to children in many yards as you drive out of your subdivision. Forget about going to the mall unless you want your heart to rip apart when you see the long line of ... more

In my last post, Fertility Challenges: Relatives at Holiday Gatherings, I talked about the struggles involved in getting together with relatives during the holidays while you are going through fertility challenges. In this post, I will focus on the similar struggles involved when attending holiday parties with friends.

As with getting together with relatives who know about your fertility challenges, friends can also cross the line of inquiring about the ... more

If you have informed anyone in your extended family about your fertility issues, then chances are that word has spread throughout your family. This can make holiday gatherings particularly difficult as you face relatives who have questions about your fertility status.

For some reason, many relatives believe it is okay to ask very personal questions because "we are family," so holiday gatherings with relatives often involve inquisitions. Relatives want to know if you are pregnant yet (Don't you think we would have announced the happy news?), how long you have ... more

Shopping during the holidays is tough when you are struggling with your fertility. Stores are filled with all sorts of cute toys and clothing for children. You see children lining up to talk to Santa at most malls while songs like All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth play over the speakers. So much about this time of year centers around children, and this is very hard for people who long for a child of their own.

If you have nieces and nephews, you are thrown right into the midst of the places you want to avoid, such as toy ... more

The holidays were always a difficult time of year for me when I was going through fertility treatments. While my friends were busy shuttling multiple children to various holiday events, I spent my time at home alone watching made-for-TV movies. I hoped that losing myself in a holiday movie would help take my focus off my grief in not having a child of my own. This did not work.

It seemed like every made-for-TV holiday movie had the same basic theme. The main character was so caught up in the things that don't matter that he or she had lost sight ... more