When I was going through fertility procedures, I struggled with hating my body. I already had issues of self-loathing to deal with from things that happened to me in my childhood. The last thing I needed was a "defective" body that was preventing me from being able to share a bond with a child.

It is normal to become angry with your body for failing to work the way it is supposed to. When all of the people around you get pregnant after trying to conceive for only a month or two, it is easy to wonder what is so wrong with your body that it cannot do what ... more

If you have reached a place where you feel like you are losing your mind with trying to become pregnant, you might want to consider taking a month or two off from trying to conceive. You might find that giving yourself a breather is just what you need to help you have the stamina to continue trying to conceive through various fertility treatments.

I was so goal-oriented when I was trying to conceive a child. All that mattered was that we try and try again until we were successful. I did not want any time off. If anything, I wanted to accelerate my life so I would ... more

If you are looking for information about anything related to infertility, you can likely find what you are looking for at FertilityCommunity.com. Those of you who found this blog through a search engine might not be aware that this blog is only one part of a much bigger site.

At FertilityCommunity.com, you can read about everything from conception basics to ... more

I have to get weekly allergy shots to manage my allergies. I am allergic to dust mites and mold. Especially in the wintertime, if I do not get my allergy shots, I feel really lousy. So, I have been taking time out of my life weekly for four years to get allergy shots.

Many people think it sounds awful to get shots on a weekly basis, but it does not bother me. The reason for this is because I am so used to having needles poke and prod me thanks to multiple fertility tests and treatments. I learned early on that I was going to have to adjust to ... more

I have never been particularly fond of Tom Cruise, although I do like some of his movies. I have always liked Nicole Kidman. So, of course I was on "her side" when they split, but that is neither here nor there.

As many of you likely know, Tom and Nicole adopted a couple of kids together. While I do not believe they ever made a big deal about it publicly, speculation has always been that they were infertile together. However, Tom got Katie Holmes pregnant, and now Nicole is ... more

I am very active in my church. I am a member of both a Sunday School class and a Bible study. Inevitably, these classes get around to the Ten Commandments, and we talk about which commandment is the hardest to obey. Some people struggle with keeping the Sabbath. (I am happy to have an excuse to nap and read on Sundays.) Others struggle with "idols," such as Brad Pitt or an obsession with having more money. Those were not the ones that I chose. When I was facing fertility challenges, my answer was always the same: "Thou shalt not covet."

Most ... more

In my last couple of posts, Could Your Weight be Contributing to Your Infertility? and Fertility, Obesity, and Eating Disorders, I have been talking about how obesity has been linked to fertility issues. I have also been sharing about my own struggles with the eating disorder of binge and compulsive overeating.

If you have an eating disorder, it has ... more

In my last post, Could Your Weight be Contributing to Your Infertility?, I talked about a new study that links obesity to a decrease in fertility. I also shared that I used to struggle with the eating disorder of binge and compulsive overeating. So, I know how hard of a blow my last post might have been to some of you who struggle with your weight.

Unfortunately, if you have an eating disorder like I did, losing weight is not as simple as going to ... more

Last month, a respected European reproductive medical journal called Human Reproduction published a study that links a woman's obesity to fertility issues. While other studies have shown a correlation between obesity and fertility issues, this study is the first to link obesity to causing issues with pregnancy when the woman is "subfertile" but ovulating normally.

According to the study, obesity can reduce the odds of conception by 4%, and very obese women were 26 to 43% less likely to ... more

When I take time to think about the reproductive system, it baffles me that anyone could ever be infertile. Yes, I get it if a man has a zero sperm count or a women has no ovaries, but short of the complete absence of sperm or egg, it perplexes me that conception could not happen. Of course, I am living proof that this does, in fact, happen, but I still do not follow how it does.

Mother Nature seems to go into overkill with conception. A man who has fewer than 10 million sperm is considered to have a low sperm count. Ten million!! ... more

When I had been going through fertility treatments for a couple of years, somebody told me that "it's not like infertility is cancer. Nobody is going to die." I was flabbergasted by this comment. I am sure this person saw this comment as trying to reframe my situation so it would not seem as bad, but it just made me feel invalidated. Because I wasn't at risk of dying from infertility, it wasn't serious!?!!

No, my body was not at risk of dying, but there were definitely risks of "deaths" involved, such as the "death" of the dream of the child with hub's ... more

When I was going through fertility treatments, my doctor gave me pamphlet about how infertility is resolved. The pamphlet said that when I ended treatment, it would be in one of three ways:

1. I would conceive a child.
2. I would choose to live a childfree life.
3. I would adopt or foster a child.

For me, number 2 was never an option, but for many infertile couples, it is. I have met several older couples who are wonderful with children and who would have made great parents. I often learn that the couple was never able to conceive ... more

When my husband and I were going through fertility treatments, we were fortunate enough to live fairly close to a fertility clinic. When we needed a specimen for an intrauterine insemination (IUI), we could take care of business together in the privacy of our bedroom, and then I would drive the specimen to the fertility clinic for the procedure. Even though we might be miles apart when our baby was technically conceived, it would at least be a joint ... more

On my post, Lessons I Have Learned Through Infertility: Assertiveness, a reader left the following comment:

It is almost shocking for me to read this as I thought I was the only person in the world to be feeling and living this way. I have the exact similar issue in my marriage where my husband has taken a lead in everything and I am just unable to assert myself. I am desperate to conceive now and this lop sided relationship has already become a ... more

When I was facing my infertility challenges, my husband's denial was my biggest obstacle. One of the first tests that infertility doctors run is a semen analysis, and it is kind of hard to do that without semen. Convincing a spouse who is in denial to provide a semen sample is quite a challenge.

Hub did not want to face that we had fertility issues. As I look back from the perspective of 11-1/2 years later, it is actually quite comical. Considering that we have used no birth control since mid-1996, have undergone three surgeries and numerous inseminations to no ... more

When my husband and I decided to try to conceive a baby, he was dragging his feet about getting the process started at all. Even though he wanted to be a father someday, he was not ready for "someday" to be in nine months. The only thing he was looking forward to when we started out was getting to do lots of "baby-making."

When we did not conceive after three months, I started to become concerned that there might be a problem. Once this stretched to six months, I was completely freaking out. I suspected there must be a problem and wanted ... more

I did not wake up one morning and have a "lightning bolt" moment in which I realized that I was infertile. Instead, the fear that I might be infertile slow crept over me as several months passed without my conceiving a baby. I was not too concerned after the first two months without a pregnancy, although I was admittedly disappointed. However, after three months passed, my antenna went up.

I questioned whether I really could have fertility issues. As far as I knew, both sides of the extended family had no fertility issues. However, after the fourth month came and ... more

While you are facing infertility challenges and desperately trying to conceive a baby, adoption might not be an option you are considering. In fact, you might feel downright hostile toward the idea of raising a "stranger's baby." However, you might not always feel this way. It is okay to have a change of heart later.

Some people are always open to the idea of adopting. I was one of those people. I wanted to adopt a child ever since I saw the movie Pete's Dragon when I was a little kid. I loved the idea of a homeless kid finding a forever family. However, ... more

If you are in the midst of going through fertility treatments, you might see your bank account rapidly depleting. Even with health insurance coverage, fertility treatments can be expensive. Have you decided when to stop investing money in the dream of conceiving a child?

Many couples who are going through fertility procedures do not want to think about stopping. They keep hoping that this month will be the one in which they conceive, and then they can put this nightmare chapter of their lives behind them. While this does happen for some lucky couples, others ... more

Unfortunately, I know many people who do not fully appreciate their children. I hear them complain about the things their children do wrong, and I wonder how often they have tender moments in which they fully grasp what a blessing that every child is. In our fast-paced society, children are sometimes seen as impediments rather than amazing blessings.

Soon after my son was born, a wise friend, who is a parent of two children, gave me some great advice. She said that every parent loves her child, but few cherish him or her. Make a point not only to love your ... more

When my husband and I first got together, I was a "yeah, sure" kind of person. I just wanted to be loved, and I wanted my husband to be happy, so I pretty much let him lead the way in our marriage. He made most of the decisions in our marriage, from what to eat to how to spend our time. He was no dictator: I simply rarely offered an opinion. I was happy to let him be in charge. All of this changed when it came to starting a family.

My husband always got a "deer in the headlights" look on his face whenever the topic of children came up. We agreed that we ... more

One reason I write this blog is because I want infertile people to know that they are not alone. Many infertile people choose to keep their struggles to themselves, so they have nobody to talk with about their pain. Because people who continue to grow their families surround them, they can feel very alone. By writing this blog and sharing my own experiences, I can reassure you that you are not alone and that other people understand your pain.

When I was going through fertility treatments, I did not know many people who had been where I was. I felt very alone, ... more

I know many people who say they need to learn how to become more patient. I always tell them not to pray for patience or they are going to wind up waiting a lot. After all, how can a person learn patience unless she is first forced to wait?

I got a crash course in patience as I tried to become pregnant month after month with no success. I never chose this for myself, and I do not recall ever praying for God to teach me patience. However, patience is something that I was forced to learn. It took me a long time to learn the lesson.

I am not saying that God ... more