When my husband and I decided to try to have a baby we talked of our hopes and dreams for the yet to be conceived child. We both envisioned a boy first, followed by a girl, and even talked of a third whose gender was not speculated. We by no means only wanted a boy, and would not have really cared one way or the other. In our idealized picture of our family, though, there was always the first born older brother looking out for his sibling(s). As the years went by (without us having a child of either gender) we encountered many friends and family who had boys first, girls first, second children… [more]

If you smoke, or even if you don't, you know that smoking is bad for you. You know that you should quit, and most women striving to get pregnant absolutely promise to not touch a cigarette once they finally conceive. I have always thought that there were two pretty distinct approaches to dealing with infertility. There are those that use the infertility diagnosis as inspiration to be as healthy and fit as possible in hopes that something they are eating or drinking or doing is having a negative impact. Then there are others who claim to take advantage of the time of not being pregnant by doing everything they wouldn't be able to do… [more]

Whenever weight is mentioned as a factor in infertility, I automatically think of being overweight. This is definitely not surprising to me since in the last ten years being underweight was not a personal danger. I gained after college, gained even more with fertility treatments, and had trouble losing for a myriad of reasons - though I choose to mostly blame my extra 15 (or 20 or more) on infertility. Anyway, I realize that not talking about the hazard of being underweight is short-sighted since there are many women who may unwittingly be struggling because they weigh too little. Whereas women who have excess body weight can be faced with an overproduction of hormones that disrupt… [more]

Men get off relatively easy when it comes to infertility. The woman is advised to do all sorts of things to improve her chances of conception, but the man is often let off the hook when it comes to making lifestyle changes. Often the female partner is told to watch what she eats and drinks while the male partner (even if male factor plays a role) is rarely similarly inundated with advice revolving around not eating certain foods, drinking caffeine or alcohol, smoking, exercising or not, etc. Most couples undergoing fertility treatments do know the "rule" that the male should not ejaculate 2-3 days prior to providing a sample, but many don't know that the sperm that… [more]

I enjoy a drink every now and then. When I was having trouble conceiving it was probably a little too often as I have a tendency to drown my sorrows or at least revel in the one positive I could think of about not being pregnant - not having to watch what I ate or drank. New research, though, questions that line of thinking. Most are aware that when pregnant you should limit alcohol and caffeine consumption, but now it is also recommended that those trying to get pregnant do the same. Nothing I have seen absolutely says that it is imperative that you cut out alcohol and caffeine completely when trying to conceive, but some… [more]

It is never a bad idea to eat well. It can definitely be difficult, though, to concentrate on being healthy and eating good for you foods in the midst of the turmoil and disappointment that infertility brings. Researchers and doctors suggest that noshing on comfort foods or pick-me-up sweets can actually be detrimental to not only your waist line, but also fertility. I am a stress eater and I know that there are many others who also turn to carbs or chocolate when they are feeling low. In order to boost fertility, it is suggested that people trying to conceive seek out certain kinds of foods that will have a fertility benefit. It's really all… [more]

The final stage of the grieving process is acceptance. In this stage you have finally somewhat moved past depression and anger (the two that really hold you back) and onto a better place in the process. It is important to point out that there is a big difference in accepting something in able to better deal with it and giving up because there is nothing else that can be done. When it comes to infertility, acceptance is not resignation but rather the time when you can finally accept and acknowledge that there is a problem that you need help with. Once I accepted that I was, in fact, infertile it actually made the process easier… [more]

During our years of failures to conceive, my husband often reminded me that we had a wonderful life. He constantly asked me if I realized how lucky we are to enjoy each other's company, be happy in our careers, our relationship, and with our accomplishments. I would tell him, that yes I was very happy and consequently that made it even worse that we were unable to have a child. Everything was so great, and we were so ready to build a family, but were just plain unable to do it on our own. I knew that we would love a child more than anything and that between us we had a lot of love to… [more]

The third stage of the grieving process is called "bargaining." In this stage the grieving person is known to try to make deals or negotiate the situation. This one does not have the most obvious correlation to dealing with infertility, but is actually the one that I most identify with. I was all about trying to make a bargain - if I could just get pregnant I would be the perfect mother. If I could just have one child I would never long for more. If I endured IVF could I be promised that I would have a child. If my husband would just stick with me through this hard time I would most… [more]

I firmly believe that people who are suffering with infertility go through the grieving process just like someone who has endured the death of a loved one, or even divorce or the loss of a beloved pet. Just like in those situations, when you are infertile and unable to conceive without fertility treatment you are suffering a loss or at least the devastating realization that building a family is going to be much, much harder than you anticipated. The second stage of the grieving process, after denial which was discussed in a previous post, is anger. I definitely went through this stage! I wallowed in anger - and was mad at everyone and everything. If… [more]