Get ready to laugh, get ready to cry. Get ready to get on the roller coaster of a blog titled, A Little Pregnant. At www.alittlepregnant.com, she has it all. The fury, the humor, the relief.

This blog was recommended to me by another blogger for a listing of infertility blogs. I had been putting off reading some of these, thinking that they might color my blogs here. I needn't have worried since my blog here is a total horse of a different color. My only advice to reading this blog is to start at the beginning. In fact, I am only up to 2004 but loving every word. I am also going to offer a word of caution. If you are feeling very fragile in your journey at this time, you may want to put off reading this blog. It is very graphic. As I mentioned before, the emotions are strong. Reading her writing took me back to some very tender wounds in my past that are still healing. I knew this going in. I thought that I was ready. I still think that I am ready, but we'll see how the processing of the memories goes.

I never could have written a blog during my losses. I think that it was denial that kept me from writing. I know that avoiding writing about it was self-defense, as denial is. I knew then that I couldn't actually write the words. There were none. And I really didn't want to read the words if I would have written them. I couldn't read the words written by others either. I remember thinking, "What's the point? Every story is different." I mostly remember reading to escape my life at that time. "Take me away from the reality of this, please!"

Now, as I'm writing this, I have 2 kids that are sleeping. I wish now that I would have written something about it all. Like memories do, some of the details have disappeared. I thought at the time that I would never want to revisit so why document? Reading her blog though, seeing the massive body of work that is involved for some of us to have a baby, I am impressed. I wish that I would have had the forethought and the optimism to think that I would have a happy ending. I regret not documenting the sorrowful beginning.