It’s easy to concentrate on the negatives of infertility, but when I talk to friends who have “surprise” pregnancies or to those who are indifferent about having a child I realize that there is one “positive.” We go through so much to start our families that there is no doubt that if and when we do conceive we know that the child is wanted and will be loved. Every moment of the pregnancy is precious and I honestly believe that infertile people sometimes have more patience with their children as new parents because they truly realize that they are miracles and appreciate finally having the opportunity to deal with a crying (or preferably happy) baby.
Couples who are infertile probably talk a lot more on average about their desires to parent, what their ideal family looks like, and what kind of parent they will be than parents who conceive quickly or easily. It is healthy to have these conversations but rarely are fertile people forced to have these discussions before the baby is already on the way. In the 5 plus years that my husband and I struggled to conceive we had many, many conversations about when we would ideally start our family, and about our dreams and desires. As we bypassed certain goals (have a child by the age of 30, conceive using clomid to avoid having to do IVF)we were forced to re-evaluate what we were going to do and how we were going to do it. Luckily, in all of our talks we determined that the ultimate goal was to have a child and we were both on board with doing whatever it took.
I truly do believe that since my husband and I had to work so hard at conceiving we approached it with a “we’re in this together” mentality that was almost imperative to making it through the trials and tribulations of infertility. That same mentality carried through once we did finally conceive and in our lives as parents – something that I don’t necessarily see as often in new parents that found themselves unexpectedly pregnant. As children often do, I am sure that our kids will do the math and realize that their father and I were married for 7 years before they came along. I hope that this is just confirmation of how they already feel and what they already know – that we waited a long time for them and that we truly wanted them in our lives. I guess I do have infertility to credit for the strength of my marital relationship, our team approach to parenting that works out great, and for really appreciating and savoring every moment with our miracle babies.
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