The final stage of the grieving process is acceptance. In this stage you have finally somewhat moved past depression and anger (the two that really hold you back) and onto a better place in the process. It is important to point out that there is a big difference in accepting something in able to better deal with it and giving up because there is nothing else that can be done. When it comes to infertility, acceptance is not resignation but rather the time when you can finally accept and acknowledge that there is a problem that you need help with.
Once I accepted that I was, in fact, infertile it actually made the process easier. That sounds optimistic but it is true – when you finally come to terms with what you are really faced with it is easier to try to tackle the problem, to realize that you must now seek solutions, and to actually be happier for other people’s successes. Once I accepted that infertility was something that was going to be a part of my life and decided that I would not let it defeat me I really was better able to rejoice with new moms and be a supportive friend to those who were pregnant. I may have been odd in how this stage affected me though because it is easy to assume that once you get to the stage of acceptance you are at peace with living child-free.
For me, this could not have been farther from the truth. Accepting that we would not be able to conceive on our own meant to me, that I was just that much more committed to finding a way to build our family. Instead of wallowing in my sorrow, and anger, in this stage I was able to use those emotions to prompt me to fight even harder for what I wanted. What I wanted, more than anything, was to have a child and although I accepted that I was infertile I absolutely would not accept living childless. This stage enabled me to really assess just how important it was to me to have a child and made it very clear that I was willing to do whatever it took to make my dreams of a family come true. I hope, you too, can use this stage to give you the motivation to determine how far you are willing to go to have a child and to finally be comfortable with that decision. Whether you do decide to live childless, to pursue more aggressive fertility treatments, or seek out alternative ways to build your family through adoption – by accepting that you are infertile and you do need help you are a step closer to coming to a decision and crafting a game plan that can bring you peace.
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