We continued intrauterine inseminations (IUIs) throughout the winter and spring of 1999, but I was losing steam. I had given up hope of ever conceiving.
People told me that I needed to keep a positive attitude or I would never conceive. I countered by pointing out that a positive attitude had not gotten me very far up until now. I was in the process of accepting that I would never meet a baby who had my eyes and my husband’s nose. As I considered adopting a baby, I realized that passing along my genetics was not as important as having a baby to love.
I looked at the brochure from Dr. M’s office again and read about the option of adoption. The brochure asked a very important question: “Is your goal to become pregnant or to become a parent?”
I had never thought of these two goals as being different, but they really are. If my goal was to achieve a pregnancy, then I needed to continue infertility treatments. However, if my goal was to become a parent, then there was more than one way to accomplish this.
As I started looking into the option of adoption, I became more excited. I realized that I did not need to see my own eyes staring back at me to love a child. Loving a child is about relationship, not genetics. For me, this was the way to go.
My husband was not nearly as excited about this option, but he eventually came around. By the time we met our son (who joined our family through adoption in 2001), my husband wept tears of awe and joy as he held his son in his arms for the first time.
The adoption process is its own marathon and is equally as difficult as the infertility process. Some people will ask, “Why don’t you just adopt?” in a lighthearted way, but there is nothing lighthearted about the adoption process. It is grueling – well worth the end result, but grueling nonetheless.
If you would like to know my adoption story, you can read about it on my Hoping to Adopt blog. Just follow the links at the bottom of each post to navigate through the whole story.
Adopting my son was the most difficult process I have ever endured, but it was also the most worthwhile journey I have ever walked. I love my son with all of my heart. I could not possibly love a biological child more.
Related Topics:
- Making the Decision to Adopt
- When to stop trying to conceive
- Top 10 List of What You Need to Know about Infertility
- Adoption After Infertility
- Infertility and Adoption
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