I admit that when I hear that someone really young is pursuing fertility treatment my first reaction is to not necessarily be as sympathetic to them as another person who might be “running out of time.” That is really unfair of me – especially since one of the most frustrating things to me in the course of my fertility struggles and treatment was hearing (for what seemed like the 1,015th time) that I was still young and that I should just wait and see what happened. I was not young by fertility standards – as you age chances of natural conception decrease, and I was not young according to when I had planned to have children. I was not, however, classified as “Advanced Maternal Age” and was, I guess, relatively young to be moving onto IVF. Most people my age I knew who were infertile and enduring treatments were still trying Clomid or IUI and were reluctant to move onto IVF because they thought it was a treatment for older people.
It was recommended by my RE to move onto IVF before “wasting” time on other treatments. I am so very glad that we did. Those that I knew who were pursuing other treatments have now moved onto IVF and many have seen success, finally. I am glad that we did not spend money on other treatments that cost money we didn’t have and that were likely to be unsuccessful and yes, I am glad that I was able to conceive on our first IVF cycle. Mostly because I am grateful that we did not have to endure failed cycles, but also because I am glad that we were able to become parents close to the age that we had planned.
I am definitely of the generation that I really want it all and fortunately there have been many great role models in my life that have proven that is possible. In this day and age women can have a career and be parents. It was, of course, possible in previous generations but it seems that now the age that women typically choose to have children allows for more balance. It is just my uninformed opinion that when you have children “too” young you are unable to get established in your career and don’t have much time to develop your relationship with your husband. I always intended to pursue success in my chosen career and to be married for a few years before we had children, but I also wanted to be a young parent as my parents were.
When we began to try to conceive five years ago I thought the timing was perfect. I had been married for a couple of years, I had a job I enjoyed, and I would have the energy to keep up with small children and go without sleep – it seemed perfect. Whether thanks to a higher power, fate, or just plain good luck I truly think that everything worked out even better than I could imagine having to wait years. My husband and I are truly a team (a must when parenting multiples) and that came from our years together as a couple. I may not be as young or able to stay up late but I do think I have more patience now than I did years ago and I am certainly more grateful. After 10 years in my career I am more established, have been able to move up to more senior roles and thus have more flexibility with my schedule, can contribute more financially to my family, and truly do have a sense of satisfaction that I am doing something I am good at and that I enjoy which makes it worth it to me to be a working mom. The point is that those of us struggling to conceive just can’t plan when we have children and can’t just create our families according to our ideals – but, sometimes that is ok. Sometimes the way things actually work out is better than you could ever have imagined or planned.
Photo Credit: Simone Ramella.
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