When I had been going through fertility treatments for a couple of years, somebody told me that "it's not like infertility is cancer. Nobody is going to die." I was flabbergasted by this comment. I am sure this person saw this comment as trying to reframe my situation so it would not seem as bad, but it just made me feel invalidated. Because I wasn't at risk of dying from infertility, it wasn't serious!?!!

No, my body was not at risk of dying, but there were definitely risks of "deaths" involved, such as the "death" of the dream of the child with hub's eyes and my nose. There was the death of my yearning to nurture a baby. Also, if I could not be a… [more]

When I was going through fertility treatments, my doctor gave me pamphlet about how infertility is resolved. The pamphlet said that when I ended treatment, it would be in one of three ways:

1. I would conceive a child.
2. I would choose to live a childfree life.
3. I would adopt or foster a child.

For me, number 2 was never an option, but for many infertile couples, it is. I have met several older couples who are wonderful with children and who would have made great parents. I often learn that the couple was never able to conceive and, therefore, have lived a childfree life.

Some of these people find other ways to meet their need to parent. They might work in a school… [more]

When my husband and I were going through fertility treatments, we were fortunate enough to live fairly close to a fertility clinic. When we needed a specimen for an intrauterine insemination (IUI), we could take care of business together in the privacy of our bedroom, and then I would drive the specimen to the fertility clinic for the procedure. Even though we might be miles apart when our baby was technically conceived, it would at least be a joint effort.

Our friends were not so lucky. They lived a good distance from their fertility clinic, and the clinic was located in the downtown area of a very large city. Because of traffic, there was no way to ensure that a specimen could… [more]

On my post, Lessons I Have Learned Through Infertility: Assertiveness, a reader left the following comment:

It is almost shocking for me to read this as I thought I was the only person in the world to be feeling and living this way. I have the exact similar issue in my marriage where my husband has taken a lead in everything and I am just unable to assert myself. I am desperate to conceive now and this lop sided relationship has already become a problem. But reading your story has given me hope. Maybe my life and personality will also change for the better.

I understand this reader's frustration because I have lived it. When you are used to letting other people make the decisions and… [more]

When I was facing my infertility challenges, my husband's denial was my biggest obstacle. One of the first tests that infertility doctors run is a semen analysis, and it is kind of hard to do that without semen. Convincing a spouse who is in denial to provide a semen sample is quite a challenge.

Hub did not want to face that we had fertility issues. As I look back from the perspective of 11-1/2 years later, it is actually quite comical. Considering that we have used no birth control since mid-1996, have undergone three surgeries and numerous inseminations to no avail, and have adopted a child who is now seven years old, I would hope that his denial has finally lifted. It was a long time… [more]

When my husband and I decided to try to conceive a baby, he was dragging his feet about getting the process started at all. Even though he wanted to be a father someday, he was not ready for "someday" to be in nine months. The only thing he was looking forward to when we started out was getting to do lots of "baby-making."

When we did not conceive after three months, I started to become concerned that there might be a problem. Once this stretched to six months, I was completely freaking out. I suspected there must be a problem and wanted to talk with a doctor about it today.

I told hub about my concerns, but he was not worried at first. In… [more]

I did not wake up one morning and have a "lightning bolt" moment in which I realized that I was infertile. Instead, the fear that I might be infertile slow crept over me as several months passed without my conceiving a baby. I was not too concerned after the first two months without a pregnancy, although I was admittedly disappointed. However, after three months passed, my antenna went up.

I questioned whether I really could have fertility issues. As far as I knew, both sides of the extended family had no fertility issues. However, after the fourth month came and went, I was starting to get concerned. By month five, I was starting to panic, and then by month six, I had an appointment with a… [more]

While you are facing infertility challenges and desperately trying to conceive a baby, adoption might not be an option you are considering. In fact, you might feel downright hostile toward the idea of raising a "stranger's baby." However, you might not always feel this way. It is okay to have a change of heart later.

Some people are always open to the idea of adopting. I was one of those people. I wanted to adopt a child ever since I saw the movie Pete's Dragon when I was a little kid. I loved the idea of a homeless kid finding a forever family. However, other people, like my husband, never even considered adoption. He was very uncomfortable with the idea of "raising a stranger's child." Now… [more]

If you are in the midst of going through fertility treatments, you might see your bank account rapidly depleting. Even with health insurance coverage, fertility treatments can be expensive. Have you decided when to stop investing money in the dream of conceiving a child?

Many couples who are going through fertility procedures do not want to think about stopping. They keep hoping that this month will be the one in which they conceive, and then they can put this nightmare chapter of their lives behind them. While this does happen for some lucky couples, others will eventually have to decide when to stop investing money in this venture.

Some couples only stop paying for fertility treatments when they run out of money. The problem with this strategy… [more]

Unfortunately, I know many people who do not fully appreciate their children. I hear them complain about the things their children do wrong, and I wonder how often they have tender moments in which they fully grasp what a blessing that every child is. In our fast-paced society, children are sometimes seen as impediments rather than amazing blessings.

Soon after my son was born, a wise friend, who is a parent of two children, gave me some great advice. She said that every parent loves her child, but few cherish him or her. Make a point not only to love your child but also to cherish him. That is what parenthood is all about. I have held onto this advice and made a point to… [more]