Challenges

I am lucky to have a good group of girl friends who unabashedly share all when it comes to conversations about sex, fertility woes, and relationship challenges. So, when one of the more outspoken women in the group proclaimed that she had found the key to improving your sex life the discussion was lively and entertaining as well as good insight into a relationship that we all learned was very physically fulfilling. She told each of us to go out and purchase lubricant and use it often. Fertility experts, however, disagree. Research has found that some lubricants on the market are detrimental to sperm, and that some products can even act as a spermicide… [more]

Historically when the economy is in shambles family size decreases and couples think more about the financial impact of having a child than they might when the economy is robust. I imagine that a down economy also affects people's approach to infertility and fertility treatments. One of the biggest stresses for me when pursuing IVF was the exorbitant cost of the treatment. When we found out that we were expecting twins, that stress about finances was amplified. We went through our IVF cycle almost two years ago, before the economic fall-out and I was still overwhelmed. I can't imagine what couples are facing today - financial stresses are tough on relationships even before infertility is thrown… [more]

When you are about to embark on an IVF cycle there is quite a bit of paperwork that must be completed. We filled out most of the required forms pretty promptly but one of them, the consent for cryopreservation, gave us pause. The human embryo cryopreservation consent form forces some pretty intense decisions and for us instigated some deep discussions that we probably would not have had without the need to answer the questions. The form asked a number of questions for which you were supposed to answer with one of three options. Option one said that the cryopreserved embryos would be made available to the other partner for control or decisions about the use. Option two… [more]

Although it happens very infrequently, it seems that about once a year you hear in the news of an IVF mix-up. For those of us entrusting doctors to ensure the accuracy of the procedures, this can be very scary. There have been reports of black babies born to white families and vice versa, children who are not genetically related to their birth parents as determined later due to medical procedures, and recently a couple from Wales who went to have their cryo-preserved embryo transferred only to find that it had been transferred to another woman. In this heartbreaking case the woman who had received the wrong embryo took the "morning after" pill to terminate a possible pregnancy and the couple… [more]

Little things often remind me of how different people are. Infertility struggles can really emphasize the myriad of different ways that people cope, or approach situations and experiences. I, for example, am a very anxious person who worries about everything. That carried over into my infertility struggles as I literally obsessed about all of the implications and details. I strived to be able to realize that none of it was in my hands, but must admit that I pretty much failed in that effort. Instead, I tried to find out as much information as possible so I could try to tame my worry with knowledge about all that could go right or wrong and what I… [more]

Each year, for 11 years, I have gone an annual girls' trip to the beach with up to 10 (some years there are a couple that can't make it but we typically have 7 or 8 every time) college friends. Through the years our conversations have changed as together we have made it through the first years after college and trying to establish ourselves in our chosen careers; to getting married and navigating our way through the newlywed years with the help of friends and experience; to celebrating first, second, and even third children for some. This year there were two absent - one was nursing her third child and since we make this an absolutely no children, no… [more]

I recently went in for a thorough physical and got into a discussion with the Doctor about Vitamin D deficencies and new research that shows that supplements can really make a difference for women in regards to bone strength, fatigue, rates of certain types of cancer, and in a number of different areas. I was definitely intrigued, but agreed with the doctor that my results would probably come back fine considering that I got well more than the recommended amount of sunlight each week and tuna fish and salmon are two of my favorite meals. So, I was pretty surprised when my level came back really low and not only were supplements recommended, but a prescription was… [more]

I find it very appalling that in an industry that is largely self-pay there are many deceitful clinics that advertise false pricing for IVF. A friend of mine who was using my same clinic and just beginning her fertility treatments challenged me when I said that my husband and I had spent easily $15,000 on our IVF cycle when all was said and done. She had recently attended her consultation when they told her (and gave her a packet of information) that said IVF was $8,000. My explanation was probably unnecessarily heated, but I remember feeling as though we had been mislead and wanted to make it clear that we spent well more than the original estimate… [more]

Men and women really are different in their styles of communication. Nothing highlights that more than when a couple is facing infertility. All I want to do in moments of crisis or emotional havoc is hash it out with my husband. I want to discuss all of the pros and cons, find solutions and make a plan. On the otherhand, it seems that all he wants to do is find every way possible to avoid the elephant in the room. My husband is the master at avoiding difficult discussions, which was very obvious as more and more decisions had to be made in our journey to be parents. I think what drove… [more]

In the world of infertility you often feel as though you should be "game" for anything - you know that you are going through all of this to have a child and you can sometimes be made to feel selfish or unenlightened if you have a desire to have a biological child. If you want to be pregnant, you often have this niggling thought in the back of your mind that pregnancy should not be a goal - a baby should - and that means that you are always cautious when you talk about conceiving. I always made sure I talked about wanting a baby instead of saying "I want to be pregnant" for fear that I would be judged as… [more]