Holidays/Observances

If you are checking this blog today, then you are probably looking for some emotional support. The message you probably need to hear the most is that you are not alone and that you are going to be okay.

I know how badly you are hurting because I have been there. I tried to focus on the joy on my nephew's faces. I tried to be appreciative of the great presents I received. I tried to enjoy the delicious food and appreciate the family that I had, but there was an empty place at my table. More importantly, there was an empty place in my arms.

There is nothing good about struggling with infertility on Christmas Day. There is also nothing fair about it. It… [more]

Photo Credit: Lynda Bernhardt

I am sending out prayers, positive thoughts, and positive energy to all of my readers who are facing another Christmas with empty arms. I remember the pain all too well. I spent four Christmases choking back the tears.

On the first of these painful Christmases, I had announced a few months prior that we were trying to have a baby. My mother-in-law poured wine for all of us and asked if it was okay for me to have some. It was hard to tell her that I, unfortunately, could imbibe.

On the second of these painful Christmases, I was so angry that the doctor was forcing us to take the month off from fertility treatments and "just try naturally." I was due… [more]

When hub and I were going through fertility treatments, the holidays always seemed to bring with them an added level of stress. We were doing intrauterine inseminations (IUIs), so we (obviously) needed a doctor involved in order to complete the procedure. One year, my ovulation period fell right on top of Christmas, so my doctor told me to take the month off of trying to conceive, but we could still try to become pregnant conventionally. Of course, all I could think was, "Thanks a yahoo." It was not like trying conventionally had accomplished anything in the past 18 months.

The following Christmas, I chose to take the month off over my husband's objections. By this point, we had been trying to conceive for 2-1/2 years… [more]

During the holiday season, it seems safer to crawl under a rock for a month than it does to venture out of your house. You simply cannot get away from the reminder that Christmas is here, and seemingly everyone other than you is celebrating the holidays with a child.

You turn on the radio, and the disc jockey is talking about a "Breakfast with Santa" fundraiser. You see holiday decorations that appeal to children in many yards as you drive out of your subdivision. Forget about going to the mall unless you want your heart to rip apart when you see the long line of children waiting to talk to Santa. As I posted in Fertility Challenges: Holiday Movies, you cannot get away from the… [more]

In my last post, Fertility Challenges: Relatives at Holiday Gatherings, I talked about the struggles involved in getting together with relatives during the holidays while you are going through fertility challenges. In this post, I will focus on the similar struggles involved when attending holiday parties with friends.

As with getting together with relatives who know about your fertility challenges, friends can also cross the line of inquiring about the status of your fertility treatments. While close friends are likely to know the details already, acquaintances might find the topic of fertility procedures fascinating and encourage you to talk about it at the party. Of course, a holiday party is where you hope to forget about your fertility issues for a few hours, not… [more]

If you have informed anyone in your extended family about your fertility issues, then chances are that word has spread throughout your family. This can make holiday gatherings particularly difficult as you face relatives who have questions about your fertility status.

For some reason, many relatives believe it is okay to ask very personal questions because "we are family," so holiday gatherings with relatives often involve inquisitions. Relatives want to know if you are pregnant yet (Don't you think we would have announced the happy news?), how long you have been trying to conceive (Is "forever" a good enough answer?), and what steps you have taken to try to become pregnant (Does Uncle Ralph really need that visual?). Many relatives seem to have no concept… [more]

Shopping during the holidays is tough when you are struggling with your fertility. Stores are filled with all sorts of cute toys and clothing for children. You see children lining up to talk to Santa at most malls while songs like All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth play over the speakers. So much about this time of year centers around children, and this is very hard for people who long for a child of their own.

If you have nieces and nephews, you are thrown right into the midst of the places you want to avoid, such as toy stores. No matter how much you try to focus on the joy of your niece or nephew's face, you cannot help but… [more]

The holidays were always a difficult time of year for me when I was going through fertility treatments. While my friends were busy shuttling multiple children to various holiday events, I spent my time at home alone watching made-for-TV movies. I hoped that losing myself in a holiday movie would help take my focus off my grief in not having a child of my own. This did not work.

It seemed like every made-for-TV holiday movie had the same basic theme. The main character was so caught up in the things that don't matter that he or she had lost sight of the things that matter most in his life. Throughout the course of the movie, the character would come to realize that what matters… [more]

As Halloween approaches, I am thinking about all of you who are struggling with fertility treatments. Halloween was always a bittersweet time of year for me. On the one hand, I have always loved Halloween. I love the concept of getting to be someone else for a night. On the other hand, that holiday is all about children, which is painful for anyone enduring infertility.

I remember sitting next to my husband on our front steps with a large bowl of candy between us. We both loved to see the little children in their cute costumes. I would smile at the cute kids as they walked up and said, "Tick-a-tee," while my heart would break from longing to be a… [more]

In my last post, I provided tips for surviving baby showers. Now let's talk about how to survive meeting the baby when he arrives.

When I was trying to become a mother, I could not handle being around many pregnant women. However, two of the people I was closest to in the world (a friend and my sister) became pregnant during this time. I was not going to sever the relationships just because they were pregnant, especially since I needed their shoulders to lean on during this challenging time in my life. However, hanging around with pregnant women was very difficult.

The hardest part was meeting each one's newborn baby. There was no way to avoid meeting my own nephew or my… [more]