In some respects, infertility is a medical condition unlike any other. Not many other health concerns are so deeply tied with the intimacy between spouses. In fact, for many struggling with infertility, what is meant to be a source of love, solace, comfort, stress relief, is often nothing more than a reminder of one’s infertility. Most couples set off trying to start their families without much thought poured into it. If they were using birth control previously, this may be the only conscious decision they make that shifts their attitude from prevention to pursuit of pregnancy. If they were not using birth control, they may simply start to pay more attention to the woman’s menstrual cycle, or if they’ve done so all along, they may time their intimacy more purposefully near… [more]
Greetings, fellow adoption journeyers! New blogger here. My name is Jamaica and I'm the lucky mom of 4 great kids who came to us through adoption...with another on the way! Each one has a funny, unique story of their journey to becoming our son or daughter, and over the course of time, I invite you to learn about us and how we became a family. But, first I will share with you how it all began, because many of you may now be where I was a decade ago. As a young woman, in my early 20s, I took it for granted that I would marry and have children. But the failure of my first marriage put an end to that...or at least… [more]
On my post, Lessons I Have Learned Through Infertility: Assertiveness, a reader left the following comment:It is almost shocking for me to read this as I thought I was the only person in the world to be feeling and living this way. I have the exact similar issue in my marriage where my husband has taken a lead in everything and I am just unable to assert myself. I am desperate to conceive now and this lop sided relationship has already become a problem. But reading your story has given me hope. Maybe my life and personality will also change for the better.
I understand this reader's frustration because I have lived it. When you are used to letting other people make the decisions and… [more]
When I was facing my infertility challenges, my husband's denial was my biggest obstacle. One of the first tests that infertility doctors run is a semen analysis, and it is kind of hard to do that without semen. Convincing a spouse who is in denial to provide a semen sample is quite a challenge.
Hub did not want to face that we had fertility issues. As I look back from the perspective of 11-1/2 years later, it is actually quite comical. Considering that we have used no birth control since mid-1996, have undergone three surgeries and numerous inseminations to no avail, and have adopted a child who is now seven years old, I would hope that his denial has finally lifted. It was a long time… [more]
When my husband and I decided to try to conceive a baby, he was dragging his feet about getting the process started at all. Even though he wanted to be a father someday, he was not ready for "someday" to be in nine months. The only thing he was looking forward to when we started out was getting to do lots of "baby-making."
When we did not conceive after three months, I started to become concerned that there might be a problem. Once this stretched to six months, I was completely freaking out. I suspected there must be a problem and wanted to talk with a doctor about it today.
I told hub about my concerns, but he was not worried at first. In… [more]
When my husband and I married, we put ourselves on the "five year plan." We would both work full-time and save up money to start a family. When we married, I had no desire to be a mother yet but figured I would want it someday. Then, my nephew was born, and my biological clock started ticking. Unfortunately, my nephew's birth did nothing to get my husband's clock going. All he saw was a whole lot of work, sleepless nights, dirty diapers, and one big fat expense.
After four years passed, I started counting down the days until we would start trying to conceive. I went off the pill and switched to other forms of birth control so my body would be ready to… [more]
Privacy is a big issue for many people going through fertility treatments. Some people (like me) feel the need to talk about everything they are going through. They need emotional support from other people, and they need other people to understand all that they are going through. Talking about the fertility procedures can be emotionally healing for some.
Other people are much more private (like my husband), and the last thing they want is for others to know about their private business like sperm counts or menstrual cycles. These people are mortified to learn that others are aware of their fertility challenges.
When these two types of people are married to each other, there is bound to be some friction. Both people… [more]
A big challenge when undergoing fertility procedures is staying in synch with your spouse. No two people think exactly alike, and both of you need to agree about what procedures to try in your quest to become parents. Some couples argue about the timing; others argue about which procedures to try. Still others argue about whether to seek professional help at all.
If you and your spouse are not in synch, don't despair: You are definitely not alone. As I shared in my post, Fertility Treatments and Marital Woes, my husband and I were not, either. Our marriage took some hits, but we came out of the experience as a stable couple and happy parents. You can do this… [more]
It is very difficult to keep the romance alive while you are going through fertility treatments. You will sometimes have to be celibate on nights when you would really like to make love, such as on your anniversary or Valentine's Day. This is an even bigger problem if one of your fertility issues involves a low sperm count. Our fertility specialist told us that my husband's sperm needed to be 2-5 days "old" to obtain an optimum specimen for an intrauterine insemination (IUI). So, there were times when romance had to take a back seat to "baby making," and that was hard.
There were times when we were in a fight, and the last thing we wanted to do was make… [more]
From what I hear, there are some couples who manage to go through fertility procedures walking side-by-side in complete agreement about what to do next. They never argue and are completely supportive of each other throughout the entire process. They are able to nurture their marriage and stay positive about life as they go through fertility procedures. I believe that all of these couples live in Stepford Subdivision in a place called Fantasy Land. If you live there, then you can stop reading now.
The rest of us were not lucky enough to buy a house in Stepford Subdivision, so we face marital challenges as we trudge through our fertility procedures. We get frustrated with the process, and… [more]