Infertility definitely puts stress on a marriage. The stress can become even more pronounced when one person is diagnosed as "the reason" that a couple cannot become pregnant. The person who is infertile can struggle with all sorts of insecurities, not the least of which is whether his or her spouse would have chosen the marriage if the infertility issues were known ahead of time.
Rather than viewing infertility as "his" or "her" problem, I strongly advise couples to view infertility as "our" problem. It really does not matter whose body is "causing" the infertility. The infertility is a "couple" problem.
For Those Married to an Infertile Spouse
If your spouse is infertile, reassure him that you love him and that you have no… [more]
. Well, actually, I guess that Chris and I aren't too spiritual in terms of being a couple. We used to attend church together, but that was way before the kids. I think that I knew that when we put off marriage for so long, legally anyway. The legal part of marriage holds no spirituality for me. We had a commitment ceremony early on, with our pastor and our families, but being legally married was not high on our list of priorities. I'm hoping that when our lives calm down in terms of the little ones, and hopefully not soon, we can possibly work on some of these areas. But that brings on many questions for both of us… [more]
I don't know if the rest of you are fans of the Berman sisters, but I know that I am. The Bermans are doctors that specialize in women's sexual health. The study that their center conducted, which was funded by K-Y, by the way, found out that vacations are very helpful to intimacy in couples. Now, this might not sound too surprising to anyone, but having any type of reminder to take a vacation is a good thing in our society. Especially if conceiving kids or having kids are involved. Wanting to be moms and already moms really can use a break. Bringing along the spouse can only add to the relief and the fun of it. Although sometimes, I… [more]
Here is an article that I have saved for about a year that deals with celebrity baby names. I am always intrigued at the reasons why people name their children what they do. Truth be told, I'm a huge fan of weird names. I like to stick out myself, having six "Carrie"s on my dorm floor in college was a blow to my ego. That was when I started going by "Karianne" to put a little distance between me and the rest of the herd. Before I even decided to have children, I had names picked out for them. Now, coming to a concensus on names with Chris wasn't too difficult as, since he is a "Christopher" he also wanted our children to have uncommon… [more]
In honor of Valentine's Day this week, I thought that I would focus on some romantic posts. Or, possibly romantic. Through www.lifescript.com I learned some of the amazing qualities of one of my favorite treats. Chocolate. Dark chocolate to be exact, although I love all types of chocolate. As a matter of fact, handmade dark chocolates are always on the top of my list for receiving on any holiday. As I'm writing this, I'd better leave the husband a little reminder of where he can purchase my favorite kind. I don't think that he would ever forget, but I am a huge fan of better safe than sorry. A little bit of history first. The world renowned lover, Casanova was a big fan of chocolate… [more]
I received an offer for an ebook online last week that I felt was very interesting. It is titled 1000 Questions For Couples by Michael Webb. I haven't yet ordered the book but I thought that it would be a wonderful thing to bring along on date night. Since it is an ebook, I'd have to print out some things to bring along, but what a concept! 1000 questions to get to know your mate better. I haven't ever heard of the offer, but according to the advertisement he has been featured on Oprah. I haven't double checked this, but I will. I don't want to be purchasing a book written by someone featured as a criminal on her show, but I'd buy something endorsed by her… [more]
Listed in the February 2007 issue of Child magazine, they listed five different marriage programs for their readers to explore. Setting up the article was this scenario: Child's Ultimate Guide to Marriage Programs. The arrival of a baby can cause a rift between spouses. Here, some workshops to help get your relationship back on track. Yes, the arrival of our first baby did put a lot of stress on our marriage. We did seek marriage counseling when she was a few months old, and it helped. But, we both feel that the infertility times were probably the most stressful thing that we encountered as a couple. We ultimately should have started counseling back then. Some of these programs listed would have really have been helpful.
Procreation Vacations Need to get away from it all? Especially the troubles of trying to conceive? Why not try a procreation vacation? One of the newest trends in traveling and vacationing is to offer a fertility related get away. For couples who are trying to get pregnant, these packages that are put together by different agencies and resorts are offering all that can be offered in the vein of natural conception. The destinations range from the Bahamas, Wyoming, Maryland and Arizona but I'm sure that even from that small of a list, there will be more and more destinations by the time that this concept really catches on. The article says that this concept was born with Gen Xers and their super glamorous honeymoons. The generation then decided to… [more]
I can't think of too many things more stressful on couples than dealing with infertility. Add in the holidays and it can become unbearable. From www.about.com I found some helpful hints for couples to use during the holidays in coping with the extra pressure, regardless of fertility issues or not. What The Two of You Can Do Eat healthy meals and drink plenty of water. Watch how much caffeine you consume and try to cut back on it. Make sure you discuss money and how much you both are comfortable spending on gifts. Set a holiday budget together and stick to it. Talk over your expectations of the holidays with each other. Know your limits with what you can and can't do. Remind one another that it is okay to say "no". Keep visits to or… [more]
I know how difficult it can be keeping your marriage sane during the trials of infertility. I remember our communication hitting a stand still while I was only crying to convey my emotions, with Chris just being silent in disbelief, I'm sure, wondering if I would ever get better. There are a lot of memories that I don't recall from that time, but one thing that I do remember is that towards the end of my intensive mourning, I was thinking that in reaching out and grasping for a child, I was letting go of my marriage. Thankfully, it never came down to a choice between the two. And, as you know, we are still together. But times were rocky here and there. It is really… [more]