Acceptance

While the infamous two-week-wait seems to be dreaded by most women, it's only because the focus so often is about what we want. "Obviously," you may say. But for a person of faith, it is not necessarily so clear-cut. This time of uncertainty offers several opportunities for growing in our relationship with God, and perhaps also with others. First and foremost, stressing over the desired positive outlook only sets us up for failure when, inevitably, so many of us do not succeed every time we try. Instead, we have an opportunity to practice truly turning our will over to God. Clearly, we desire that the cycle results in a healthy take-home baby. I'm not suggesting that we should try to want what we don't actually want… [more]

In most societies, it is assumed that girls will grow up and have babies. We, as girls are given dolls to play with, babysit, help with others' kids and are taught nurturing skills in preparation to become a Mom. Historically, women had children at a much younger age and had more children. As women entered the work force, the size of families steadily became smaller and women waited later to start their families. Awaiting - It is a word that describes a longing for something. And, with the decision to become a Mom, we are awaiting the moment that we know is coming; we will be pregnant and have a baby. It is natural. Awaiting, for the woman… [more]

Welcome back!  In my last entry, it was March of 2002, and I had just suffered my first miscarriage, after a year and a half of trying to get pregnant.  In early May, as we awaited the non-arrival of my period, I imagined a wonderful Mother’s Day weekend wherein we announced this pregnancy.  I was 10 days late and had never been late before, except when I had been briefly pregnant.  However, just to be sure, we were going to wait until Mother’s Day to take the test.  On Friday before Mother’s Day, however, the worst weekend of our lives began.  My husband’s beloved mother passed away.  It was a weekend filled with pain and loss.  To make things even worse, we… [more]

Greetings, fellow adoption journeyers!  New blogger here.  My name is  Jamaica and I'm the lucky mom of 4 great kids who came to us through adoption...with another on the way!   Each one has a funny, unique story of their journey to becoming our son or daughter, and over the course of time, I invite you to learn about us and how we became a family.  But, first I will share with you how it all began, because many of you may now be where I was a decade ago. As a young woman, in my early 20s,  I took it for granted that I would marry and have children.  But the failure of my first marriage put an end to that...or at least… [more]

Each year, for 11 years, I have gone an annual girls' trip to the beach with up to 10 (some years there are a couple that can't make it but we typically have 7 or 8 every time) college friends. Through the years our conversations have changed as together we have made it through the first years after college and trying to establish ourselves in our chosen careers; to getting married and navigating our way through the newlywed years with the help of friends and experience; to celebrating first, second, and even third children for some. This year there were two absent - one was nursing her third child and since we make this an absolutely no children, no… [more]

Shortly after we met, he said, "Women in general tolerate these procedures that we would never tolerate" - "we" meaning men. Women endure hysteroscopies, hysterosalpingograms, endometrial biopsies, intrauterine insemination, ovarian stimulation, and egg retrieval. "Ask men for a semen analysis, and it takes six months," he said. "It's an amazing thing." p. 179 This quote, of course, made me feel proud. As I have mentioned in earlier posts, it felt like I was the only one in the world who was willing to do anything to have a successful pregnancy. I also believe that this is probably one of the main frustrations of women who undergo the majority of fertility treatments. I have only recently been educated on some of the aspects of male infertility… [more]

"Miscarriage is so mysterious that it makes you feel completely out of control," she said. "I needed to feel like I was doing something to help myself." Stephenson referred Anderson to a psychiatrist who specializes in "frequent loss." The psychiatrist recommended that she start antidepressants. "I said this is the issue: I don't want to be on any more drugs," she replied. "I just wanted someone to tell me, It's OK to be sad." p. 102-103 I also went to counseling after my miscarriages as I have during many traumas during my adult life. One of the most helpful traits that my therapist has is first of all, a history with me. Secondly, she had also experienced miscarriages… [more]

Miscarriage exposes one's fragility, but less visibly, it also brings out a toughness, a sort of courage mixed with frustration and a dollop of rage. I asked her why she wanted a child so badly. "Someone said I couldn't," she said. p. 101 I intimately know this feeling! I was never really into having biological children until my miscarriages. I had always thought that once I decided to have children that it would be appropriate for me to be infertile, since adoption was in my parenting plan all along. My tune sure changed with that first miscarriage. It was almost like a vendetta that I needed to follow through with. I was obsessed. It was the only thought on my mind. Since… [more]

We were horrified by the information given to these women," said Jacobs. "They were being told such appalling things, like miscarriage was extremely rare. They all felt blighted by God. We were telling them something different from their ob-gyns, and we were right. We said, quite the contrary, miscarriage is very common. Go back and ask your mom. Ask your husband's mother. Ask your sisters. Ask the lady next door. At least one, if not all had had a miscarriage. p.42-43 I was fortunately raised by a very open and honest family. I grew up knowing about the sister that my mom and dad had before me that was stillborn. I had been told by my Nana, the story of… [more]