Acceptance

Each year, for 11 years, I have gone an annual girls' trip to the beach with up to 10 (some years there are a couple that can't make it but we typically have 7 or 8 every time) college friends. Through the years our conversations have changed as together we have made it through the first years after college and trying to establish ourselves in our chosen careers; to getting married and navigating our way through the newlywed years with the help of friends and experience; to celebrating first, second, and even third children for some. This year there were two absent - one was nursing her third child and since we make this an absolutely no children, no… [more]

Shortly after we met, he said, "Women in general tolerate these procedures that we would never tolerate" - "we" meaning men. Women endure hysteroscopies, hysterosalpingograms, endometrial biopsies, intrauterine insemination, ovarian stimulation, and egg retrieval. "Ask men for a semen analysis, and it takes six months," he said. "It's an amazing thing." p. 179 This quote, of course, made me feel proud. As I have mentioned in earlier posts, it felt like I was the only one in the world who was willing to do anything to have a successful pregnancy. I also believe that this is probably one of the main frustrations of women who undergo the majority of fertility treatments. I have only recently been educated on some of the aspects of male infertility… [more]

"Miscarriage is so mysterious that it makes you feel completely out of control," she said. "I needed to feel like I was doing something to help myself." Stephenson referred Anderson to a psychiatrist who specializes in "frequent loss." The psychiatrist recommended that she start antidepressants. "I said this is the issue: I don't want to be on any more drugs," she replied. "I just wanted someone to tell me, It's OK to be sad." p. 102-103 I also went to counseling after my miscarriages as I have during many traumas during my adult life. One of the most helpful traits that my therapist has is first of all, a history with me. Secondly, she had also experienced miscarriages… [more]

Miscarriage exposes one's fragility, but less visibly, it also brings out a toughness, a sort of courage mixed with frustration and a dollop of rage. I asked her why she wanted a child so badly. "Someone said I couldn't," she said. p. 101 I intimately know this feeling! I was never really into having biological children until my miscarriages. I had always thought that once I decided to have children that it would be appropriate for me to be infertile, since adoption was in my parenting plan all along. My tune sure changed with that first miscarriage. It was almost like a vendetta that I needed to follow through with. I was obsessed. It was the only thought on my mind. Since… [more]

We were horrified by the information given to these women," said Jacobs. "They were being told such appalling things, like miscarriage was extremely rare. They all felt blighted by God. We were telling them something different from their ob-gyns, and we were right. We said, quite the contrary, miscarriage is very common. Go back and ask your mom. Ask your husband's mother. Ask your sisters. Ask the lady next door. At least one, if not all had had a miscarriage. p.42-43 I was fortunately raised by a very open and honest family. I grew up knowing about the sister that my mom and dad had before me that was stillborn. I had been told by my Nana, the story of… [more]