Condolence

Celebrating the birth of my friend's twins yesterday I found myself in the grocery store in the greeting card aisle looking for the appropiate card. This brought back memories of trying to find an appropriate sympathy card for one of my other friends when she had a late term pregnancy loss a couple of years ago. I had to end up buying a blank card and writing in it myself as all of the other sympathy cards were either way too general or way too specific with nothing in between that could fit with the circumstance. I was frustrated. I found this link to La Belle Dame that offers a full line of sympathy cards for these unique situations. Their line contains four cards that each cost less… [more]

helping someone after a miscarriage Seven helpful things to say "I'm so sorry about your Miscarriage." These simple words mean a lot, especially if you allow the Mum or Dad to talk further, or not to talk, as they wish. "I know how much you wanted that baby." Here you are simply acknowledging that something precious has been lost, and opening a door to talk more. "It's okay to cry." - this can sound like Hollywood but it's reassuring for the Mum or Dad to know they are not being judged for their tears and sadness. "Can I call you back next week to see how you are doing?" Often people are sympathetic the first time, then never mention miscarriage again. You can expect the parents to still be grieving for weeks… [more]

More from www.miscarriagesupport.org.nz helping someone after a miscarriage Don'ts Don't ignore her because you feel helpless or uncomfortable with grief - she will wonder if what happened to her means nothing to you. Don't think that miscarriage is easier to cope with than a stillbirth or neonatal death. The truth is that her baby has just died, and it doesn't really matter how pregnant she was. Don't be anxious or embarrassed about making her cry. It is not what you said or did that upset her, but losing the baby. By allowing her to cry, you are helping her work through the process of grief. Don't confuse support with "cheering her up". Grief is an enormously powerful emotion and needs releasing, not repressing. Don't put on a bright cheery front yourself. Don't… [more]

These ideas are from www.miscarriagesupport.org.nz Things to do ~Contact is important. Be there if possible, but if not, ring or write. Whatever the person is feeling, they deserve to have their feelings supported by people around them. ~A hug or arm around her shoulders is comforting. ~Understand that her tears are a healthy response and should never be discouraged. Having a box of tissues handy is helpful. ~Let her do the talking. Be the passive partner who asks questions and focus on certain points to help her talk about her feelings. It is sufficient to just listen. ~Tell her how you feel about her losing the baby and how sorry you are. ~Acknowledge her pain even if you think you would not react this way… [more]

I have been lucky or unlucky enough (you can think of it either way) to have experienced both sides of this coin. The woman that I am writing about today is not the same woman as yesterday. Yesterday I reprinted the first part of my letter, and now here is the second. Thank you so much to you know who you are for writing to me. Everyone seems to really get into this topic and has much to share. Now, on the flip side. While I was pregnant with my daughter, one of my > best friends lost her son. Our due dates were close as well, only a couple of weeks apart. Again, it > was very uncomfortable. First off, no one wanted… [more]

I was checking in with my blog faves and read the following from Julia at they might be hipposgrifs. Here is her post: 12 Dot Over I had an ultrasound this afternoon with my OB. I was saddened (but not particularly shocked) to see that the fetbryo no longer has a heartbeat. It had grown a lot since last week so we assume that it must have died in the past day or so. So. Well. Yes. I feel quite peaceful, actually. The uncertainty of the past week was very hard for me. Hoping and yet hopeless, I felt utterly drained and panicky and ... and just AWFUL. I know where we are now and I can live with it. Of the myriad horrible possible outcomes (postnatal death, stillbirth, genetically normal but irreparable defects, therapeutic termination)… [more]