Grieving Miscarriage

For Mother's Day my husband and daughter treated me to a wonderful dinner at one of my favorite Italian restaurants. My daughter who is six years old still needs to be reminded to use her utensils and not her fingers and to sit properly in her chair from time to time. In other words, she needs to be reminded to use her restaurant manners. So, upon leaving the restaurant after our meal, we couldn't help but beam with pride when a woman at a neighboring table complimented my daughter for her excellent table manners and her behavior in general. Then it happened. Totally out of left field the woman asked if we were my daughter’s parents… [more]

Welcome back!  In my last entry, it was March of 2002, and I had just suffered my first miscarriage, after a year and a half of trying to get pregnant.  In early May, as we awaited the non-arrival of my period, I imagined a wonderful Mother’s Day weekend wherein we announced this pregnancy.  I was 10 days late and had never been late before, except when I had been briefly pregnant.  However, just to be sure, we were going to wait until Mother’s Day to take the test.  On Friday before Mother’s Day, however, the worst weekend of our lives began.  My husband’s beloved mother passed away.  It was a weekend filled with pain and loss.  To make things even worse, we… [more]

We should never assume or expect things in life. I know this, I remind myself of this, but yet I still do it. For some reason I assumed that if I put an effort forth to having a child than I would get one. All I needed to do was show that I was ready and really wanted one and then it would happen. It's naive, but it's what got me through the day. So when the day came that I found out I was pregnant I became overwhelmed with joy. I wanted to tell everyone and have them share the joy with me. I started thinking of baby names, ideas for a nursery, and looking online at maternity clothes. I had… [more]

Another tip that I posted last week was to send an email to Heaven. Here is another way that you can honor your baby online. Letters to Heaven Did you ever feel the need to express your grief and sadness over losing your baby? Did the anniversary of your baby's death come and go and you wanted to do something to remember him or her by? Maybe you just want to let your baby know that you miss him or her. Our 'Letter to Heaven' section is the place to write down your thoughts, express your grief, or just a place to say 'Hello sweetheart, I miss you.' Each letter will remain on file, amongst hundreds of other letters from grieving parents. Each is as unique as the baby who was… [more]

Supercluster Galaxy Click on the link above to see a night sky filled with stars named after babies lost to miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDs, and other infant loss. The page is created by Empty Cradles. Last week I wrote about ways to cope on Mother's Day with loss. One of the tips was to create an online memorial. So today, I thought that I would look up some memorial sites that offer a chance to remember our babies, because some don't have the option without a birth and death date. On the home page is a simple form to fill out where you choose the type of star you would like to represent your baby, then the name and significant dates… [more]

This is a post from my friend Carrie. I was so touched by her words and asked if I could share it with you. She graciously said yes. Today I mourn the loss of the life inside of me. The life that I only knew of for under 2 months. The life I'd learned to love more than my very self. Today I realize the finality of it all -- I will never even feel the little one inside of me kick, let alone look into her eyes, kiss her tiny toes or see her first smile. I will never wipe away her tears, never give her advice, or ever even have her upset at me. I won't get to hear her cry while she cuts teeth, or… [more]

A Letter To My Baby Beginnings The above post is from blog writer, Serenity Now! Whose title is hysterical and whose writing is amazing and true. While clicking onto her blog today, I found this beautiful letter that she wrote to her beautiful embryos that she lost about a year ago. The whole letter is so touching, yet, this one section went straight into my heart. In my hope that you were right around the corner, I didn't realise that my body was broken. That no amount of yoga or acupuncture or meditation was going to give you a place in which to thrive. I lost myself in the hope of the next cycle. And with each negative, I threw the reminders of you away. As if you… [more]

In 2002 December 4th was going to be my due date with our first baby. I miscarried about 10 weeks along so we never made it to that special delivery day. Yet, every year, I think about our baby and remember the joy of being pregnant. I also remember the extreme sorrow when we lost him. (I write "him" although I have no proof besides how I felt when I was carrying him. I thought for sure that our baby was a boy.) The first year of loss I had a princess day with one of my best girlfriends. We both took the day off from work, got manicures and pedicures and went to lunch. It wasn't sad, we stayed busy to not think… [more]

These are also from www.beliefnet.com in their daily prayers section under Christianity. There are other religions represented as well, as the Fertility Prayer was from the Catholic section from yesterday. I wish that I would have been more pro active in looking for prayers to help me through this time. Hopefully, these prayers will not be needed by you or a loved one, but if so, please pass them on if you feel that it is appropriate. Prayer for a Woman Who Has Had a Miscarriage O God of love, source of life, hear our prayers for _____. Her baby died before it ever came to birth. The blessing of your love was torn from her body, leaving her empty and devastated. Comfort her now in her sorrow. Restore her… [more]

I was sitting in church this Sunday listening to others share their joys and concerns. A woman stood up and wanted prayers for her granddaughter and grandson in law. Her granddaughter had just suffered a miscarriage last week and she was concerned for them. While she was talking and sharing the news my mouth went dry. My stomach hardened. I remembered going to my first church service after my miscarriages and wanting to get up and share what had happened, but I couldn't. I just sat quietly with tears running down my face. It was hard being there, but even harder to not be there. All of the memories around that time are difficult to remember. During that period in my life, there… [more]