Emotional Support

Little things often remind me of how different people are. Infertility struggles can really emphasize the myriad of different ways that people cope, or approach situations and experiences. I, for example, am a very anxious person who worries about everything. That carried over into my infertility struggles as I literally obsessed about all of the implications and details. I strived to be able to realize that none of it was in my hands, but must admit that I pretty much failed in that effort. Instead, I tried to find out as much information as possible so I could try to tame my worry with knowledge about all that could go right or wrong and what I… [more]

Men and women really are different in their styles of communication. Nothing highlights that more than when a couple is facing infertility. All I want to do in moments of crisis or emotional havoc is hash it out with my husband. I want to discuss all of the pros and cons, find solutions and make a plan. On the otherhand, it seems that all he wants to do is find every way possible to avoid the elephant in the room. My husband is the master at avoiding difficult discussions, which was very obvious as more and more decisions had to be made in our journey to be parents. I think what drove… [more]

April 25 - May 2nd, 2009 is National Infertility Awareness Week. This week is dedicated to raising awareness about the disease of infertility that affects 7.3 million Americans. An organization that spearheads the movement to learn more about infertility and seek out support is RESOLVE. If you have not yet done so I encourage you to visit RESOLVE.org, http://www.fertilitycommunity.com/uni/frame.php?url=http://www.resolve.org/site/PageServer - a community for women and men with infertility that provides information, support and opportunities to take action. By visiting their site you can connect with support groups in your area, access a directory of services, tell your story, and find ways to get involved in efforts to combat infertility. When my husband and I were in a great… [more]

When you are struggling to conceive one of the things you long for the most is just to be normal. Nothing could make my jealousy peak more than when someone would tell of the fun and unique way they told their partner they were expecting. The innocence of a newly pregnant woman at only 8 weeks already planning her nursery and thinking about names would make me green with envy. The couple who talked about planning to have Johnny or Sally in the summer to coincide with vacation from teaching would literally make me want to scream. All of those reactions are very "normal" when you get pregnant easily, but when you stare at negative pregnancy tests month after… [more]

About four years ago my mother-in-law gave me a fertility doll that was supposed to give me good luck in efforts to conceive. Either I have unrealistic expectations on how fast that doll was supposed to work, or my particular fertility doll was faulty. Either way I don't think I can give credit to the doll for working four years later! The fertility "aid" got me thinking though, about the pressure from other people when we were having trouble conceiving, and my motivations behind so desperately wanting to have a baby. I sometimes had to take a step back and make sure that the main reason I wanted a child was for me and my husband, not to… [more]

I am blessed with an amazing, wonderful husband. Despite the fact that he was supportive, and compassionate throughout our infertility journey, he is still a man and as such sometimes could just not understand why I felt or thought the way I did. A friend would announce their surprise pregnancy and I would break down in tears the minute I could get away. I would spend hours on the internet reading about the miracle of Robitussin or putting your feet in the air for thirty minutes and would be convinced that this is why it hadn't been working. At exactly 10 days past ovulation every single month I would start looking for signs and symptoms and… [more]

Anyone who has struggled with infertility has inevitably been given "advice" or opinions completely unsolicited and often shockingly rude. As my husband and I discussed some of the inappropriate comments we heard when we began to tell people that we were having trouble conceiving (something we started talking about in response to the unending questions about when we were going to have children), a top ten list, of sorts, emerged. Here are the top ten things NOT to say to someone enduring infertility - just the opinion of one (admittedly often cranky) woman! 1) Just relax, or just stop trying so hard and it will happen. Believe me, I heard this one enough times to "try"… [more]

This is not really advice or guidance, but rather reassurance that your thoughts and feelings are normal. When you are struggling to conceive, or when the only thing you can think about is having a child it often seems as if EVERYONE is pregnant. I was reminded of this recently when having dinner with friends. Out of the four of us, two were pregnant, I am in the midst of caring for two infants, and one of the girls was just about to embark on more extensive fertility treatments after a year of trying Clomid therapy, every diagnostic test imaginable, and a couple of IUI attempts. I made efforts to put myself in her shoes (where I… [more]

Hello to all! I am very excited to introduce myself to you and look forward to using this blog to "talk" about all things fertility/infertility. I hope you will consider this a place where you can come to read about fertility issues that are important to you and truly feel like someone (me) knows exactly what you are going through. Think of it as a coffee-break (oops - are we "allowed" to have coffee - we'll save that for another post!) chat between friends. My name is Sheila, and I am/was infertile. Sounds kind of like a recovering alcoholic doesn't it? That may seem a bit dramatic, but I think it is a very comparable… [more]

In my last post, TV Show "Friends": Final Season and Infertility, I talked about how unfair it was that Monica, who had always wanted to be a mother, was unable to conceive while her friend, Rachel, had a surprise pregnancy. Monica was married, and her "nest" was all ready for a baby. Meanwhile, Rachel was a single woman who was focused on her career, and her surprise pregnancy was very much a situation in which she had to rise to the occasion. I am not saying that women with surprise pregnancies cannot turn out to be good mothers: I personally know many who have. I am saying that it is unfair that any woman who truly desires to be a mother… [more]