Friends

Welcome to the new series of Fertility Blogs! As a Mom and a woman who had some of the most excruciating experiences with my infertility treatments, I can empathize and sympathize with every woman, man and family during these emotional times. A friend once asked me to describe myself, using one word, starting with the letter of the alphabet. This gave me 26 ways to describe myself and I felt compelled to accept the challenge; knowing it would be simple, right? I began to ask other friends, family and colleagues to use a word that best described me in their eyes. Some were hilarious, others poignant, and still some even stung. As a columnist, I began a series on life from A-Z and it… [more]

The Southeast Chapter of RESOLVE is having it's first annual Family Building Conference on May 1st in Atlanta, Georgia (CLICK HERE for more information). Beyond being a spectacular idea - getting people together with experts to discuss issues surroung infertility - it is also very well named! The conference intends to "address the medical, emotional, social, financial and legal issues associated with infertility and adoption." There are also some awesome give-aways, including a chance at a free IVF cycle and a free donor egg cycle, but I digress (as I am apt to do when someone says the word free). What struck me the most about the informational email I received about the conference… [more]

In my last post, TV Show "Friends": Final Season and Infertility, I talked about how unfair it was that Monica, who had always wanted to be a mother, was unable to conceive while her friend, Rachel, had a surprise pregnancy. Monica was married, and her "nest" was all ready for a baby. Meanwhile, Rachel was a single woman who was focused on her career, and her surprise pregnancy was very much a situation in which she had to rise to the occasion. I am not saying that women with surprise pregnancies cannot turn out to be good mothers: I personally know many who have. I am saying that it is unfair that any woman who truly desires to be a mother… [more]

Last week I posted about toxic friends, the types of toxic friends and how to deal with them. But, when I turn the lens to myself, I got to wondering if I am a toxic friend. And I have been in the past. While reading through the types, a lot of them rang familiar to what I would sometimes do in relationships. I then started looking to do a little self discovery on what type of friend that I am. After taking these quizzes, and seeing my results, you can see why I'd be a little confused! Ladies Home Journal Quiz My Results You're a great friend! Congratulations! When a friend is in need, you are the gal to call. You can be trusted with secrets and are… [more]

I am continuing my list of toxic friends that I have dealt with in my life in italics within the blockquote stating the types of toxic friends. Hopefully, if you can recognize any of these types in your life, you can begin to change the relationship or learn to let it go. The Promise Breaker as a Toxic Friend: This person rarely does what he says he will do. If you have a date, your toxic friend is often a no-show. A general lack of dependability makes this person a toxic friend The Gossip as a Toxic Friend: The gossip will eventually betray your trust and become a toxic friend. Gossips are easy to spot so beware your friendships with them. The Self-Centered Person as a Toxic Friend: Self-centered people can't think of you as… [more]

Inserted into the blockquote, I'll be writing in italics to describe some of my interactions with the various types. Fortunately, I'd done some relationship housecleaning before I decided to try to have children, so my infertile years were somewhat toxic friend free. Looking through the types and descriptions, I'm even more grateful. Having these types of friends in your life is stressful enough without adding in the stress of building your family. The User as a Toxic Friend: This person only has friends as long as he/she can use them for some purpose or goal of his/her own. This person could be the most harmful of toxic friends. In my experience, this friend was a mix of both The User and Controller. This friend ruled my self esteem from… [more]

We all know how wonderful a supportive friend can be during your dealings with infertility. They are priceless and they can come in many forms, whether a spouse, a sibling or other relative or, a friend. But, there are also relationships that look like friendship, but aren't supportive or healing. These relationships are defined as toxic and can be especially harmful to women who are so vulnerable already by infertility. According to this article Difficult Friends: Toxic Friendships - People You Must Avoid by Emmy over on blogspot, toxic relationships are described as this: Entering into a friendship opens the door for hurt and harm; a harmful friend or a toxic friendship can be one of life's hardest relationship tribulations to forgive and forget. Toxic friends often come… [more]

A few weeks ago I received a letter through the network, asking about a very awkward situation. This gal is such a sweetie. She and her best friend were both pregnant at the same time. Her friend has recently lost her pregnancy and now the still pregnant friend is wondering the best way to support her grieving friend. Wow! I am very humbled to see how thoughtful this woman is trying to be. A true friend. I will be posting parts of my response here this week, and also some other resources as well. I'm also opening up the lines for anyone who has been on either side of this situation, for what they found… [more]

(p.s. keep reading for the deep-dark confession at the end!) I'm sure everyone's heard of that Harvard Nurse's Study that basically found out...nothing. Or, that maybe you shouldn't feel guilty about that extra bowl of Ben & Jerry's. It found, basically, that a low fat diet did NOT (so they say, although looking at how the study was conducted, I'm not 100% sure about this) help prevent breast cancer, that calcium supplements don't do jack for osteoporosis, etc., etc. Thanks a lot! However, a clinical finding that resulted from this study that sounds pretty right to me is that the lack of a close friend/confidante adds to your health risk factor to the magnitude of smoking or a high body mass index… [more]

I loooooove the zeitgeist of this group. I have been turning an idea about a blog friendship over and over in my head, and then I see two great posts on friends: "Speaking of Friends," from Sandra, the International Adoption blogger and "Friends," by Mo the Korean Adoption blogger. My post is on how I am still learning to be a friend, but, thank God, my friends have a huge tolerance for my mistakes. My parents have always been big on self-sufficiency. They'd have to be, coming to a totally foreign country with no family or friends to help them, and I admire this. However, one thing I absorbed was the idea of "never letting people know… [more]