Emotional Support

I have been talking about fertility support groups in these posts:

• Starting a Fertility Support Group
• How to Structure a Fertility Support Group

I am now going to focus on the challenges you might face in a fertility support group.

When our fertility support group first started, every member was in a lot of pain. The other members were trying to conceive month after month while I was waiting for the adoption agency to invite me to complete a home study for baby number 2. We were all in a place of loss and frustration at the lack of control we had over our lives.

Things changed when one member became pregnant after her first intrauterine insemination (IUI)

In my last post, Starting a Fertility Support Group, I talk about how I formed a fertility support group. Rather than dictate the structure of the support group, I asked the participants at the first meeting what they were looking for. I tailored the support group to meet their needs, and it was quite successful in helping them along their journeys to parenthood. They have thanked me many times over for starting this support group because it made their journeys a little bit easier.

Because this was a church-sponsored support group, I chose the book Infertility: A Survival Guide for Couples and Those Who Love Them by Cindy Lewis Dake to springboard discussion topics. (I will do a book review… [more]

When I was going through fertility procedures, I desperately wanted to talk with someone else who understood what I was going through, so I was thrilled when my doctor gave me a flyer about a support group that one of the nurses was organizing. I brought the flyer home and showed it to my husband, who was not at all interested in "sitting around talking about infertility issues." So, I decided to go alone to find the emotional support I needed.

The support group met at the doctor's office on a weeknight, and you could cut the tension with a knife. Most people came with their spouses, and they talked to nobody but each other. We ate some cookies and sat around… [more]

Last week I posted about toxic friends, the types of toxic friends and how to deal with them. But, when I turn the lens to myself, I got to wondering if I am a toxic friend. And I have been in the past. While reading through the types, a lot of them rang familiar to what I would sometimes do in relationships. I then started looking to do a little self discovery on what type of friend that I am. After taking these quizzes, and seeing my results, you can see why I'd be a little confused! Ladies Home Journal Quiz My Results You're a great friend! Congratulations! When a friend is in need, you are the gal to call. You can be trusted with secrets and are… [more]

I am continuing my list of toxic friends that I have dealt with in my life in italics within the blockquote stating the types of toxic friends. Hopefully, if you can recognize any of these types in your life, you can begin to change the relationship or learn to let it go. The Promise Breaker as a Toxic Friend: This person rarely does what he says he will do. If you have a date, your toxic friend is often a no-show. A general lack of dependability makes this person a toxic friend The Gossip as a Toxic Friend: The gossip will eventually betray your trust and become a toxic friend. Gossips are easy to spot so beware your friendships with them. The Self-Centered Person as a Toxic Friend: Self-centered people can't think of you as… [more]

Inserted into the blockquote, I'll be writing in italics to describe some of my interactions with the various types. Fortunately, I'd done some relationship housecleaning before I decided to try to have children, so my infertile years were somewhat toxic friend free. Looking through the types and descriptions, I'm even more grateful. Having these types of friends in your life is stressful enough without adding in the stress of building your family. The User as a Toxic Friend: This person only has friends as long as he/she can use them for some purpose or goal of his/her own. This person could be the most harmful of toxic friends. In my experience, this friend was a mix of both The User and Controller. This friend ruled my self esteem from… [more]

We all know how wonderful a supportive friend can be during your dealings with infertility. They are priceless and they can come in many forms, whether a spouse, a sibling or other relative or, a friend. But, there are also relationships that look like friendship, but aren't supportive or healing. These relationships are defined as toxic and can be especially harmful to women who are so vulnerable already by infertility. According to this article Difficult Friends: Toxic Friendships - People You Must Avoid by Emmy over on blogspot, toxic relationships are described as this: Entering into a friendship opens the door for hurt and harm; a harmful friend or a toxic friendship can be one of life's hardest relationship tribulations to forgive and forget. Toxic friends often come… [more]

When it comes to infertility and loss, how do you know when to seek outside help for your emotions? The uncertain nature of infertility can cause extreme anxiety and depression even in the most stable of personalities. Add to that any other type of outside stress or biological factors and the infertility can be overwhelming. It is helpful to have a guideline to help decide. Infertility Counseling and Support: When and Where to Find It by American Society for Reproductive Medicine. Apologies for the link acting up, it wouldn't come through in the usual wa today. Here is their list of suggested symptoms in which you may want to consider finding a therapist. Consider counseling if you are feeling depressed, anxious, or so preoccupied with your infertility that… [more]

Starting when I was a young teenager, I would always read Dear Abby in our daily newspaper. I was always surprized at her answers because I would most likely think one way, but she would come up with better ones. I think that I had the typical black and white, right or wrong, thinking of a typical teenager, so seeing that there were other options, better options was a great experience for me. In our newspaper now they offer a couple of different advice columns that I don't enjoy much at all. I wish for the olden days of Dear Abby and her simpler questions that she had to tackle. I guess this means that I'm getting old. I came across another advice option from an article in… [more]

Yesterday I met with a group of girlfriends for a seminar in the early afternoon. The "seminar" was brought up by one of my friends who had just had a legal victory and she wanted to celebrate with her girlfriends, without the husbands and the kids. The rest of us were all there, ready to help. It took a bit of scheduling and a lot of emails back and forth but 5 of us met at a new pub that we had all been wanting to try. Conversation around the table was diverse. I had iced tea and 7 up and we all shared a large order of fries. As I thought about each of us who were there 3 of us had been touched by… [more]