Finding Peace

While the infamous two-week-wait seems to be dreaded by most women, it's only because the focus so often is about what we want. "Obviously," you may say. But for a person of faith, it is not necessarily so clear-cut. This time of uncertainty offers several opportunities for growing in our relationship with God, and perhaps also with others. First and foremost, stressing over the desired positive outlook only sets us up for failure when, inevitably, so many of us do not succeed every time we try. Instead, we have an opportunity to practice truly turning our will over to God. Clearly, we desire that the cycle results in a healthy take-home baby. I'm not suggesting that we should try to want what we don't actually want… [more]

Going into this frozen embryo transfer, I thought I had it all figured out. Since our last failed attempt nearly a year ago, we went on hold to try to align our plans with the will of God. Coming out of the hold period, I felt totally peaceful about this year; 2013 would either be the year that we finally became parents, or it would be the year that we would finally embrace our original family of two, created on our wedding day. I was ready to be done with this infertility roller coaster one way or another, and I could honestly see the benefits to either resolution. Then we transferred our two embryos last week. Subconsciously, I instantly realized how much I want this to work… [more]

There must be a reason for our infertility: either a medical explanation or a spiritual purpose.  I can appreciate the advice of well-meaning loved ones who try to point this out.  What I don’t appreciate is how quickly some people jump to their own assessment of our situation. Just because we don’t have children doesn’t mean that we wouldn’t be good parents. It hurts to hear that there must be something fundamentally “unparentlike” about us.  Are we not loving enough?  Not patient enough?  Do we not have enough wisdom to pass on?  Are we not responsible or mature enough to care for another human being?  Seriously, under what circumstances would it be appropriate for someone to suggest that the reason we don’t have kids is because we have been deemed as… [more]

In most societies, it is assumed that girls will grow up and have babies. We, as girls are given dolls to play with, babysit, help with others' kids and are taught nurturing skills in preparation to become a Mom. Historically, women had children at a much younger age and had more children. As women entered the work force, the size of families steadily became smaller and women waited later to start their families. Awaiting - It is a word that describes a longing for something. And, with the decision to become a Mom, we are awaiting the moment that we know is coming; we will be pregnant and have a baby. It is natural. Awaiting, for the woman… [more]

Welcome to the new series of Fertility Blogs! As a Mom and a woman who had some of the most excruciating experiences with my infertility treatments, I can empathize and sympathize with every woman, man and family during these emotional times. A friend once asked me to describe myself, using one word, starting with the letter of the alphabet. This gave me 26 ways to describe myself and I felt compelled to accept the challenge; knowing it would be simple, right? I began to ask other friends, family and colleagues to use a word that best described me in their eyes. Some were hilarious, others poignant, and still some even stung. As a columnist, I began a series on life from A-Z and it… [more]

The Southeast Chapter of RESOLVE is having it's first annual Family Building Conference on May 1st in Atlanta, Georgia (CLICK HERE for more information). Beyond being a spectacular idea - getting people together with experts to discuss issues surroung infertility - it is also very well named! The conference intends to "address the medical, emotional, social, financial and legal issues associated with infertility and adoption." There are also some awesome give-aways, including a chance at a free IVF cycle and a free donor egg cycle, but I digress (as I am apt to do when someone says the word free). What struck me the most about the informational email I received about the conference… [more]

            When dealing with infertility, a couple needs to practice a great deal of patience. Sadly, I was born with very little patience for waiting for exciting things to happen. For example, I’ll purposely hide Christmas presents in horribly obvious places in hopes that my husband will find them. He now makes me wait until around the 21st of December to start my holiday shopping.             When the doctor told me that I was going to need to wait until specific days to have blood tests performed, I almost went crazy. I hate needles, but I wanted to start figuring out my hormone levels. I’d try and find ways to distract myself but it seemed like the days dragged on forever. Then… [more]

In the world of infertility you often feel as though you should be "game" for anything - you know that you are going through all of this to have a child and you can sometimes be made to feel selfish or unenlightened if you have a desire to have a biological child. If you want to be pregnant, you often have this niggling thought in the back of your mind that pregnancy should not be a goal - a baby should - and that means that you are always cautious when you talk about conceiving. I always made sure I talked about wanting a baby instead of saying "I want to be pregnant" for fear that I would be judged as… [more]

When you are struggling to conceive one of the things you long for the most is just to be normal. Nothing could make my jealousy peak more than when someone would tell of the fun and unique way they told their partner they were expecting. The innocence of a newly pregnant woman at only 8 weeks already planning her nursery and thinking about names would make me green with envy. The couple who talked about planning to have Johnny or Sally in the summer to coincide with vacation from teaching would literally make me want to scream. All of those reactions are very "normal" when you get pregnant easily, but when you stare at negative pregnancy tests month after… [more]

This is not really advice or guidance, but rather reassurance that your thoughts and feelings are normal. When you are struggling to conceive, or when the only thing you can think about is having a child it often seems as if EVERYONE is pregnant. I was reminded of this recently when having dinner with friends. Out of the four of us, two were pregnant, I am in the midst of caring for two infants, and one of the girls was just about to embark on more extensive fertility treatments after a year of trying Clomid therapy, every diagnostic test imaginable, and a couple of IUI attempts. I made efforts to put myself in her shoes (where I… [more]