Life Lessons

I’m seeing double. Double lines on a home pregnancy test, that is! But hold your congratulations. I have been here before, and it did not end well. The way I see it, entering the two-week-wait after an embryo transfer, insemination, or timed intercourse is like entering a competition of sorts, even though we are not really competing against anyone. However, from listening to some ladies talk when they announce a negative result (“I’m out this month”), it would appear that the analogy is not that far off. Once a positive home pregnancy test is achieved, or for those with nerves of steel, the results of their first beta results are in, we are indeed one step closer to our goal. However, we are not out… [more]

While the infamous two-week-wait seems to be dreaded by most women, it's only because the focus so often is about what we want. "Obviously," you may say. But for a person of faith, it is not necessarily so clear-cut. This time of uncertainty offers several opportunities for growing in our relationship with God, and perhaps also with others. First and foremost, stressing over the desired positive outlook only sets us up for failure when, inevitably, so many of us do not succeed every time we try. Instead, we have an opportunity to practice truly turning our will over to God. Clearly, we desire that the cycle results in a healthy take-home baby. I'm not suggesting that we should try to want what we don't actually want… [more]

The time between an attempt at pregnancy (be that timed intercourse, an intra-uterine insemination, or an embryo transfer) and confirmation of the result of the attempt is commonly referred to as the two week wait. Generally speaking, it takes about two weeks before a pregnancy can be detected, even though the actual length of time can be slightly more or less time. Perhaps because we are utterly unable to do anything during this time that would bring us any closer to the desired result, this time of waiting is often dubbed “dreaded”. Speaking from personal experience, but also from noticing certain patterns among people struggling with infertility right along side me, a common theme among those waiting in their two-week wait seems to be one or more… [more]

Going into this frozen embryo transfer, I thought I had it all figured out. Since our last failed attempt nearly a year ago, we went on hold to try to align our plans with the will of God. Coming out of the hold period, I felt totally peaceful about this year; 2013 would either be the year that we finally became parents, or it would be the year that we would finally embrace our original family of two, created on our wedding day. I was ready to be done with this infertility roller coaster one way or another, and I could honestly see the benefits to either resolution. Then we transferred our two embryos last week. Subconsciously, I instantly realized how much I want this to work… [more]

In some respects, infertility is a medical condition unlike any other.  Not many other health concerns are so deeply tied with the intimacy between spouses.  In fact, for many struggling with infertility, what is meant to be a source of love, solace, comfort, stress relief, is often nothing more than a reminder of one’s infertility. Most couples set off trying to start their families without much thought poured into it.  If they were using birth control previously, this may be the only conscious decision they make that shifts their attitude from prevention to pursuit of pregnancy.  If they were not using birth control, they may simply start to pay more attention to the woman’s menstrual cycle, or if they’ve done so all along, they may time their intimacy more purposefully near… [more]

There must be a reason for our infertility: either a medical explanation or a spiritual purpose.  I can appreciate the advice of well-meaning loved ones who try to point this out.  What I don’t appreciate is how quickly some people jump to their own assessment of our situation. Just because we don’t have children doesn’t mean that we wouldn’t be good parents. It hurts to hear that there must be something fundamentally “unparentlike” about us.  Are we not loving enough?  Not patient enough?  Do we not have enough wisdom to pass on?  Are we not responsible or mature enough to care for another human being?  Seriously, under what circumstances would it be appropriate for someone to suggest that the reason we don’t have kids is because we have been deemed as… [more]

In most societies, it is assumed that girls will grow up and have babies. We, as girls are given dolls to play with, babysit, help with others' kids and are taught nurturing skills in preparation to become a Mom. Historically, women had children at a much younger age and had more children. As women entered the work force, the size of families steadily became smaller and women waited later to start their families. Awaiting - It is a word that describes a longing for something. And, with the decision to become a Mom, we are awaiting the moment that we know is coming; we will be pregnant and have a baby. It is natural. Awaiting, for the woman… [more]

Welcome to the new series of Fertility Blogs! As a Mom and a woman who had some of the most excruciating experiences with my infertility treatments, I can empathize and sympathize with every woman, man and family during these emotional times. A friend once asked me to describe myself, using one word, starting with the letter of the alphabet. This gave me 26 ways to describe myself and I felt compelled to accept the challenge; knowing it would be simple, right? I began to ask other friends, family and colleagues to use a word that best described me in their eyes. Some were hilarious, others poignant, and still some even stung. As a columnist, I began a series on life from A-Z and it… [more]

The Southeast Chapter of RESOLVE is having it's first annual Family Building Conference on May 1st in Atlanta, Georgia (CLICK HERE for more information). Beyond being a spectacular idea - getting people together with experts to discuss issues surroung infertility - it is also very well named! The conference intends to "address the medical, emotional, social, financial and legal issues associated with infertility and adoption." There are also some awesome give-aways, including a chance at a free IVF cycle and a free donor egg cycle, but I digress (as I am apt to do when someone says the word free). What struck me the most about the informational email I received about the conference… [more]

In the world of infertility you often feel as though you should be "game" for anything - you know that you are going through all of this to have a child and you can sometimes be made to feel selfish or unenlightened if you have a desire to have a biological child. If you want to be pregnant, you often have this niggling thought in the back of your mind that pregnancy should not be a goal - a baby should - and that means that you are always cautious when you talk about conceiving. I always made sure I talked about wanting a baby instead of saying "I want to be pregnant" for fear that I would be judged as… [more]