General Infertility

It seems that of all of the supposed "no-no" activities when trying to conceive I did most of them. I liked my caffeine and glass of wine, I rarely remembered to take folic acid or vitamins, I didn't eat the diet advised and therefore was not at the optimal weight - the list goes on. One thing, though, that showed up constantly as a "don't" was the advice not to douche - something I have never done and kind of skipped over because it didn't really apply to me. I have since learned, however, that 20 to 40 percent of women in the United States douche regularly and half of those do it as often as once… [more]

I have mentioned this in other posts, but it definitely warrants mentioning again - frequent sex is best for conception. Maybe I am not the typical infertile woman and there is a lot of action in everyone else's bedrooms, but I will admit that ultimately we got to the point of only doing the "baby dance" when the ovulation kit said go. Months, and then years of no success led to sex becoming somewhat of a chore. The freedom of just being able to "do it" when we wanted and not if we didn't was gone because we had to have sex in the right window. We certainly tested the theory of every night and every… [more]

I have mentioned in previous posts that I would have transferred three or more embryos if they would have let me. I wanted as many opportunities for success as possible! My thinking at that time was a bit naive, however. I was only thinking about the success rates quoted and the probability of even one making it. I didn't consider the extreme risk of high order multiples to me and to the unborn babies. I didn't concern myself with the financial implications of having twins, triplets, or quads or the sheer logistics of managing that many infants. I never once thought about the likelihood of bedrest and babies being born premature if more than one… [more]

If you smoke, or even if you don't, you know that smoking is bad for you. You know that you should quit, and most women striving to get pregnant absolutely promise to not touch a cigarette once they finally conceive. I have always thought that there were two pretty distinct approaches to dealing with infertility. There are those that use the infertility diagnosis as inspiration to be as healthy and fit as possible in hopes that something they are eating or drinking or doing is having a negative impact. Then there are others who claim to take advantage of the time of not being pregnant by doing everything they wouldn't be able to do… [more]

Whenever weight is mentioned as a factor in infertility, I automatically think of being overweight. This is definitely not surprising to me since in the last ten years being underweight was not a personal danger. I gained after college, gained even more with fertility treatments, and had trouble losing for a myriad of reasons - though I choose to mostly blame my extra 15 (or 20 or more) on infertility. Anyway, I realize that not talking about the hazard of being underweight is short-sighted since there are many women who may unwittingly be struggling because they weigh too little. Whereas women who have excess body weight can be faced with an overproduction of hormones that disrupt… [more]

I enjoy a drink every now and then. When I was having trouble conceiving it was probably a little too often as I have a tendency to drown my sorrows or at least revel in the one positive I could think of about not being pregnant - not having to watch what I ate or drank. New research, though, questions that line of thinking. Most are aware that when pregnant you should limit alcohol and caffeine consumption, but now it is also recommended that those trying to get pregnant do the same. Nothing I have seen absolutely says that it is imperative that you cut out alcohol and caffeine completely when trying to conceive, but some… [more]

The final stage of the grieving process is acceptance. In this stage you have finally somewhat moved past depression and anger (the two that really hold you back) and onto a better place in the process. It is important to point out that there is a big difference in accepting something in able to better deal with it and giving up because there is nothing else that can be done. When it comes to infertility, acceptance is not resignation but rather the time when you can finally accept and acknowledge that there is a problem that you need help with. Once I accepted that I was, in fact, infertile it actually made the process easier… [more]

During our years of failures to conceive, my husband often reminded me that we had a wonderful life. He constantly asked me if I realized how lucky we are to enjoy each other's company, be happy in our careers, our relationship, and with our accomplishments. I would tell him, that yes I was very happy and consequently that made it even worse that we were unable to have a child. Everything was so great, and we were so ready to build a family, but were just plain unable to do it on our own. I knew that we would love a child more than anything and that between us we had a lot of love to… [more]

The third stage of the grieving process is called "bargaining." In this stage the grieving person is known to try to make deals or negotiate the situation. This one does not have the most obvious correlation to dealing with infertility, but is actually the one that I most identify with. I was all about trying to make a bargain - if I could just get pregnant I would be the perfect mother. If I could just have one child I would never long for more. If I endured IVF could I be promised that I would have a child. If my husband would just stick with me through this hard time I would most… [more]

I firmly believe that people who are suffering with infertility go through the grieving process just like someone who has endured the death of a loved one, or even divorce or the loss of a beloved pet. Just like in those situations, when you are infertile and unable to conceive without fertility treatment you are suffering a loss or at least the devastating realization that building a family is going to be much, much harder than you anticipated. The second stage of the grieving process, after denial which was discussed in a previous post, is anger. I definitely went through this stage! I wallowed in anger - and was mad at everyone and everything. If… [more]