I have been talking about fertility support groups in these posts:

• Starting a Fertility Support Group
• How to Structure a Fertility Support Group

I am now going to focus on the challenges you might face in a fertility support group.

When our fertility support group first started, every member was in a lot of pain. The other members were trying to conceive month after month while I was waiting for the adoption agency to invite me to complete a home study for baby number 2. We were all in a place of loss and frustration at the lack of control we had over our lives.

Things changed when one member became pregnant after her first intrauterine insemination (IUI). I had undergone 22 IUI's with no success, and the couple who came to the support group together had also undergone several IUI's with no success. This was a very awkward situation for all of us.

On the one hand, we were all sincerely happy for this woman. She wanted to become a mother so badly, and she had cried oceans of tears over her lack of fertility. When she announced her pregnancy, we were "over the moon" excited for her. We were thrilled to have a "graduate" from our group.

However, when the dust settled, this was also painful for those of us who were still infertile. Why was she able to conceive when we were not? We were envious, and yet we felt guilty for our envy because this member was going to be a great mother and she deserved this pregnancy. However, it was another reminder of our own losses, and that reminder was showing up at our support group meetings.

It was awkward for the pregnant member as well. She wanted to be there to support us and offer hope, but she also did not want to inflict more pain. We decided as a group to have her stay for a couple of months and then phase out attending the meetings. After she left, the remaining members talked quite a bit about the conflicting emotions of being happy for her while sad for ourselves.

Ultimately, everything worked out for the best. The pregnant member gave birth to a healthy boy and got pregnant again 6 months later without even trying. The infertile couple ultimately decided to adopt, and they are now considering adopting a second child. I eventually chose not to adopt again, and it felt really good to choose this for myself.

We wound up closing the support group because none of us needed support any longer. However, we will always feel connected because of traveling this journey together.

Related Topics:

• Informal Support Groups
• How to Stay Sane While Going Through Infertility
• Keeping Your Emotional Footing through Infertility