A situation has come up recently where my jealous feelings have once again emerged. Jealousy was a huge part of my life while I was dealing with my miscarriages, and I would hide in the face of it. I was ashamed. I was lonely and outside of many social situations (ie, baby showers) that I would have loved to enjoy if I could have put my jealous feelings aside. This time, as my jealousy became apparent, I decided to look into ways of dealing with it a little better.
I found a page on allaboutlifechallenges.org. Here were their suggestions that made sense to me:
Develop independence. We need to be sure we are not overly dependant on any one person. We need to focus on the good things we have and not on what we don’t have.
Focus on developing more confidence and attractiveness. Sometimes something simple like getting our hair done or changing our style of clothing can help. Taking a course on self esteem or assertiveness is also beneficial.
Be honest with yourself. Sit down with paper and list things that are making you jealous. Look at it objectively. Are these things silly or trivial or are they really important?
Communicate with the person who is the object of your jealousy. Tell them your feelings. Is that person doing something that is causing you to be jealous? Letting them know can often help the problem. If this other person cares for you, they will work on changing the behavior that is adding to your jealousy. Being aware of your feelings can also help you cope better.
Realize that jealousy shows your lack of self esteem and uncertainty of your own worth. Work on taking a really good self evaluation. This experience can be a wonderful learning opportunity for you. Work on communication with other people. Work on developing confidence.
Study your rival. Look closely at the person you are jealous about. What do you like and dislike about the person? Are his or her qualities beyond your abilities? Be sure you are not being unrealistic about that person. Are you seeing things as they really are? Take control of your feelings. Terminate the relationship if nothing else seems to work. Take the time to concentrate on your own growth. Work at trying to understand and improve your relationship.
Do not overreact. Remember, most incidents are temporary so don’t magnify what happened. Serious jealousy stems from a fear of loss, reputation, control of ourselves, our spouses, or relationships. Losing control of our emotions and feelings will only make things worse.