I saw this documentary about birth mothers and adoptees at an adoption conference, and Sheila Ganz, the film maker and birth mother spoke afterward. She also attended my presentation on work with birth mothers in Korea, and she thanked me for sharing “our” (i.e., birth mothers’) stories. During my book tour, which took me all around the nation, more than once, after a reading I’d be approached by a woman who wanted to “come out” to me as a birth mother. Often, I was the first person they had ever told.
I was honored that they would do that, and also, somewhat surprised at how similar their emotions were to the Korean birth mothers. I guess I was feeling that so much of the shame and guilt the Korean birth mothers experience had to do with Confucian ideals of womanhood and other aspects of Korean culture. However, after seeing, in the film and speaking with Sheila, the impact it has had on her life (she dearly wanted children, but never had them, after her daughter was placed for adoption from a pregnancy that resulted from rape) is every bit as profound and searing as it was for the Korean birthmothers. Again, the amount of time that passed wasn’t really a factor–many birth mothers live the relinquishment daily.
Further, the film follows a group of adoptees over a number of years, and much of the pain and loss they feel is all too apparent. Unfortunately, after the filming, one of the adoptees kills himself, an occurrence that is not uncommon in the adoptee community. In some ways, this film could be seen as a cautionary tale about adoption, particularly inter-racial adoption.
This film is aired on PBS from time to time. Here is a quote from the website.
My husband and I stumbled upon the film last night and sat riveted for its entirety. We have 3 internationally adopted children who were 4, 5 and 12 years old when we adopted them. Finding their birth mothers will be next to impossible, but your film gave us the desire to try again. Every once in a while we will see glimpses of their pain, from a void that we can never fill. We used to believe that our love would overcome all, but in recent years we’ve come to understand that we can love them deeply, but their sense of identity is so intricately woven from the womb. Thank you for helping all of us dealing with adoption issues to have better understanding and not feel so alone.”
Note on website
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