If you are checking this blog today, then you are probably looking for some emotional support. The message you probably need to hear the most is that you are not alone and that you are going to be okay.

I know how badly you are hurting because I have been there. I tried to focus on the joy on my nephew's faces. I tried to be appreciative of the great presents I received. I tried to enjoy the delicious food and appreciate the family that I had, but there was an empty place at my table. More importantly, there was an empty place in my arms.

There is nothing good about struggling with infertility on Christmas Day. There is also nothing fair about it. It just plain stinks. I am so sorry that you have to experience this pain.

I wish I could wave a magic wand and erase your pain, but I know that wand does not exist. If it did, I would have used it on myself. What I can offer you is the hope of your future joy being worth the pain you are experiencing today.

I used to ask myself if the joy of holding my own child in my arms would outweigh all of the painful years of longing for him. The moment I held him in my arms, I had my answer. Every single tear was worth it. Every single disappointment, devastation, and redirection led me to being this child's mother. When I held him in my arms the first time, I felt joy so powerful and love so deep that there are not words to capture them. I would have willingly endured even more pain if I knew that it would lead me to that wonderful place.

Even though today might feel hopeless, never give up. As I shared on my last post, Empty Arms on Christmas Eve, I spent four Christmases completely miserable as I waited to become a mother. Even the following Christmas (#5) was filled with anxiety because we were waiting for our son to be born, and we had the insecurity of not knowing whether his expecting mother would ultimately choose to parent him. It was not until Christmas #6 that I held my forever child in my arms. That was the most special Christmas that I will probably ever experience because that place at the table was finally filled.

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Christmas category

Photo Credit: Lynda Bernhardt