Isn’t the word barren such an awful term? I am so glad we have moved on to the word infertile because at least that sounds clinical. Barren sounds like a wasteland – as if my womb, which is supposed to be fertile, is instead a shriveled up raisin.
As much as I dislike the word, barren captures the pain that a woman feels when she is unable to conceive a child. Many women question whether they are even women when they cannot bear a child. If your uterus is unable to knit life together and your breasts are unable to nourish a child, then it can feel like none of your female body parts is doing its job. Does this make you less of a woman?
Many women struggle with this insecurity, and yet few voice this fear aloud. Instead, they hide this fear deep inside of themselves and cry alone at the thought of not being a woman. How do you get past this?
Try to remember that bearing a child is only one thing specific to women. There are many other things that define our womanhood, such as our love of beauty, our tenderness, and our emotions. We love watching chick flicks, dressing up, and shopping. Admittedly, that is a stereotype, but you likely have some of these traits (or others) in common with women all over the globe. Your uterus does not have to be functioning for you to be a woman.
I am a mother through adoption, and you do not get more “womanly” than loving your child. He did not have to grow in my body for me to love him with my entire heart. There are also women who choose not to have a family for a variety of reasons, and nobody sees them as “unwomanly.”
I think the fear of not being a woman because of infertility is really about our anger toward our bodies for not doing what they were designed to do. We see ourselves as “defective,” and we let that feeling of defectiveness color the way we view ourselves.
We must remember that we are more than just our bodies. My spirit and soul are also part of who I am, and those parts of myself do not cease to exist just because my body is not functioning the way I want it to. Try not to paint yourself into a corner by seeing your worth tied up into making babies. Who you are runs so much deeper, and you can still live a fulfilling life, even if you never conceive a child.
Related Topic:
Beyond Barren: Perceptions of Female Infertility Through Time
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