As Halloween approaches, I am thinking about all of you who are struggling with fertility treatments. Halloween was always a bittersweet time of year for me. On the one hand, I have always loved Halloween. I love the concept of getting to be someone else for a night. On the other hand, that holiday is all about children, which is painful for anyone enduring infertility.
I remember sitting next to my husband on our front steps with a large bowl of candy between us. We both loved to see the little children in their cute costumes. I would smile at the cute kids as they walked up and said, “Tick-a-tee,” while my heart would break from longing to be a mother to one of them. I would see harried mothers trying to corral a group of older children while carrying an infant dressed like a pumpkin or a tiger, and I would wonder if she truly appreciated the blessings that she had.
Sometimes a little girl with long straight brown hair would come up to our house, and my heart would break as I thought about what my own child would have looked like. I would choke back the tears so I would not scare the children who just wanted a couple of pieces of candy.
Some groups of children would skip our house altogether. We lived in a large subdivision, so many families would only “trick or treat” at the houses where they knew the residents. Because my husband and I did not have children, we did not know most of the families, who all knew one another from school and extracurricular activities. As these groups bypassed our house, I was reminded how my husband and I were not members of the “club.” We were different, living lives that were different from most of the people around us.
If Halloween is a bittersweet time for you, you are not alone. Try to take gentle care of yourself during this time.
Related Topic:
Surviving the Wait: Other Holidays
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