During the holiday season, it seems safer to crawl under a rock for a month than it does to venture out of your house. You simply cannot get away from the reminder that Christmas is here, and seemingly everyone other than you is celebrating the holidays with a child.

You turn on the radio, and the disc jockey is talking about a "Breakfast with Santa" fundraiser. You see holiday decorations that appeal to children in many yards as you drive out of your subdivision. Forget about going to the mall unless you want your heart to rip apart when you see the long line of children waiting to talk to Santa. As I posted in Fertility Challenges: Holiday Movies, you cannot get away from the messages of the importance of family.

So, how do you avoid this bombardment into your life? If you have a passport, maybe you can head over to the South Pole and spend the next few weeks in the company of penguins. Short of that, you are going to have to accept that this time of the year is going to be challenging and take steps to make it survivable.

Do Things You Enjoy

Set aside time to do things you enjoy with your spouse. Plan a candlelight dinner and then cuddle on the couch while watching your favorite non-holiday movie. Engage in hobbies or other things that make you happy.

Redirect Your Focus

Doing something for somebody else is always a good way to take your focus off your own pain temporarily. Visit a nursing home and spend time with someone who rarely has visitors. Help out in a soup kitchen. Volunteer with Hospice and provide comfort to people who are facing this holiday season without a loved one. Helping other people feel better about their circumstances is a good way to stop focusing so much on your own.

Set Aside Time to Grieve

No matter what you do, you are going to have moments in which the pain bubbles up. Allow yourself to grieve the pain of not having a child to hold during the holidays this year. Give yourself permission to cry for a while and then do something to make yourself feel better. Be very gentle with yourself until the holidays pass.

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Challenges: Christmas category

Photo credit: Faith Allen