I know many women who have struggled with their fertility. Most, if not all, have had people try to comfort them by saying, “You can always just adopt.” Most infertile women do not find these words comforting and certainly not in the early stages of exploring fertility treatments.
I am an adoptive mother. I have been through the adoption process, and let me tell you – there is no “just” to the process. When people say, “You can always just adopt,” they make it sound like, if you cannot have a hamburger, then a hot dog will do, too. Choosing to adopt is not that simple.
Adoption is Not For Everyone
First you have to get past the hurdle of whether adoption is right for your family. Adoption is not the best choice for every couple. If you truly cannot embrace “a stranger’s child” as your own and love that child as if he shared your DNA, then you have no business adopting a child.
Some people take a lot of pride in their bloodlines. They want to see their own or their spouse’s eyes looking back at them. They take great pride in their family’s heritage, whether that is being scholars or good farmers. People who see their family’s bloodline as “superior” might not be open to adopting from a possibly “inferior” bloodline.
Adoption Process is Strenuous
When we decided to adopt, I saw adoption as the light at the end of the tunnel. Instead, it was the beginning of another marathon. I was still recovering from my fertility marathon, so it was exhausting to switch gears and find the strength to endure another strenuous process.
Adoption is Expensive
Unless you adopt out of foster care, an adoption is likely going to cost in the five figures. While fertility treatments are also expensive, we were only paying in the low hundreds for each intrauterine insemination (IUI) versus $15,000-$30,000 for an adoption. Cost is definitely a factor when you choose to adopt.
Adoption is Different
When you choose to grow your family through adoption, you choose to take a different path. Different paths come with different responsibilities, such as considering the needs of a birthmother or explaining what adoption means to a young child.
I am not trying to talk anyone out of adopting. I adopted myself, and it was one of the best decisions that I ever made. That being said, I had to reach a place in my life where I was ready to invest all that was necessary to become an adoptive mother, and I will be dealing with adoption-related issues for the rest of my life. There is no “just” to adopting: Adoption is its own marathon that you need to be ready to run before you start down that path.
Related Topics:
Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt
Related posts:
