When I was trying to conceive, I lost count of the number of “solutions” to our woes offered by well-meaning family and friends. I can look back now and see the humor in these suggestions. However, when I was going through the process, I was not amused.
Here are some of the solutions that I was offered:
- Just relax.
- Go on a cruise.
- Buy a two-seater car.
- Have sex in the back seat of a car.
- Drink cough syrup to thin your cervical fluids.
- Hold your legs in the air for 20 minutes after sex. (That was an attractive view for my husband!)
- Have sex every day for 5 days throughout your ovulation period.
- Refrain from sex for 2-5 days before your ovulation period.
- Carry a fertility stone at all times.
The one comment that bothered me the most was relax, relax, relax. One day when I was hormonal on Clomid, somebody made the mistake of telling me again that I just needed “to relax” to become pregnant. I retorted, “If my relaxing can quadruple my husband’s sperm count, then I guess we are in business.” The look on the man’s face was priceless, and it succeeded in shutting him up for the moment.
People mean well when they give you this kind of advice, but an infertile woman hears “just relax” as “it’s your own fault that you are not pregnant yet.” That was not the message that I needed to hear. I was already so frustrated with my body. I felt so helpless and deprived of a fundamental right experienced by most women on the planet. I did not need somebody telling me that I had brought all of this pain onto myself.
Fertility issues are medical issues that need to be treated by a doctor. We would not tell somebody with cancer or autism just to carry a healing stone in his pocket. Find a way to tune out the well-meaning but annoying advice from family and friends and listen to your doctor.