From what I hear, there are some couples who manage to go through fertility procedures walking side-by-side in complete agreement about what to do next. They never argue and are completely supportive of each other throughout the entire process. They are able to nurture their marriage and stay positive about life as they go through fertility procedures. I believe that all of these couples live in Stepford Subdivision in a place called Fantasy Land. If you live there, then you can stop reading now.

The rest of us were not lucky enough to buy a house in Stepford Subdivision, so we face marital challenges as we trudge through our fertility procedures. We get frustrated with the process, and we sometimes take our frustrations out on each other. We have trouble agreeing about when to start and when to stop various fertility procedures. Sometimes, in a secret place in our hearts, we worry about whether our marriage will survive this trial.

I had my concerns about our marriage, even though we had always had a stable marriage. We had been married for five years, after dating for 2-1/2 years, and our relationship had been rock solid up until that point. Then, the fertility procedures started, and we found ourselves arguing more frequently than we ever had throughout our relationship.

After six months of trying to conceive, I was ready to see a fertility specialist. Hub thought I was overreacting and wanted to wait a while. I saw one, anyhow. Hub dragged his feet about having a semen analysis performed, and I got angry because I could not proceed with my own diagnostic testing until he did his part. Hub also dragged his feet about having his surgery to correct a varicocele.

Throughout our quest to become parents, we did the dance of me running ahead and dragging him behind me. He tried to reassure me that I was enough for him. I got angry because I believed this meant that he did not care as much as I did about having a baby. Even into pursuing adoption, I was always 6 months ahead of him in what I wanted to try next. I stayed angry because he was holding me back, and he stayed angry because I was rushing him.

Despite all of the turmoil, we became parents 4-1/2 years later through adoption, and we had a solid marriage on the other side of our fertility woes. In fact, I believe our marriage is stronger because of all that we endured together. It is easy to get along when the seas are smooth: It is the typhoons of life that test a marriage.

Related Topics:

• Marriage
• How to Keep Your Marriage Alive in Spite of Infertility
• Keeping Your Marriage Alive

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