It is very difficult to keep the romance alive while you are going through fertility treatments. You will sometimes have to be celibate on nights when you would really like to make love, such as on your anniversary or Valentine’s Day. This is an even bigger problem if one of your fertility issues involves a low sperm count. Our fertility specialist told us that my husband’s sperm needed to be 2-5 days “old” to obtain an optimum specimen for an intrauterine insemination (IUI). So, there were times when romance had to take a back seat to “baby making,” and that was hard.
There were times when we were in a fight, and the last thing we wanted to do was make love, but that day was optimal timing for conceiving. There is nothing romantic about those encounters, either. Both of us shuddered at the thought of our baby being conceived while we were both angry at each other.
Then there is the thought of conceiving your baby when you are not even in the same room together. Making a baby is supposed to be about bringing another life into the world through love, but fertility procedures turn “baby making” into a science experiment. I know a man who felt badly about a dirty magazine being a part of how his child might come into existence. There is something not right about being in separate rooms when your child’s life begins.
It takes a real effort to keep the romance alive when you are going through fertility treatments. The treatments take something that was once magical and turn it into a series of medical procedures. Doctors do not belong in our bedrooms, and yet it can feel like the doctor’s presence is surrounding your relationship.
Couples have to find a way to put spontaneity back into their relationships, even while their lives are revolving around ovulation cycles. Otherwise, they risk losing the magic that their marriages once had before fertility challenges entered the picture. All marriages take a certain amount of work, but marriages enduring fertility procedures need extra tender loving care.
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