Week Three of fertility treatments generally began with having an intrauterine insemination (IUI). This was when I would start to get hopeful. The doctor would say that we had a good specimen. The sperm wash would enable the sperm to live longer and (hopefully) enable me to conceive. The doctor was placing the sperm directly into my uterus, where I knew my egg was coming because I had just had a shot in the bottom the day before to ensure this. It seemed like conception would have to happen this time.

Then, I was done. After two weeks of juggling work and doctor's appointments, taking hormones, and receiving shots, there was nothing to do except wait. I would find myself thinking repeatedly, "I could be pregnant right now," and I could feel faint hope beginning to flutter inside of my soul. This IUI could be the one that did the job.

As much as I tried not to do it, I just could not help myself: I had to calculate out our baby's due date. I would think, "This would be a spring baby," or "This baby would be born in time for the holidays." I would reprimand myself for jinxing this attempt, but I kept finding myself pulled back into the "maybe this time" daydream.

The thought of having to wait two weeks to know if I was pregnant was maddening to me. I wanted to know now! How was it possible that we could put a man on the moon but not have a way to determine if conception had occurred until two weeks later? I would try to distract myself, but my thoughts would constantly go back to the hope of being pregnant.

Week Three was the one week a month in which I was present at work every day for the entire day and not hormonal. This was the week when I really needed to prove myself at work. I needed to focus and do a fabulous job so that my bosses would be patient during my hormonal days and absences. So, I would force my attention back to my job and try not to think about whether or not I was pregnant.

Related Topics:

• How to Stay Sane While Going Through Infertility
• Keeping Your Emotional Footing through Infertility
• Loving My Body in Spite of Infertility

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