Privacy is a big issue for many people going through fertility treatments. Some people (like me) feel the need to talk about everything they are going through. They need emotional support from other people, and they need other people to understand all that they are going through. Talking about the fertility procedures can be emotionally healing for some.

Other people are much more private (like my husband), and the last thing they want is for others to know about their private business like sperm counts or menstrual cycles. These people are mortified to learn that others are aware of their fertility challenges.

When these two types of people are married to each other, there is bound to be some friction. Both people have emotional needs, but it is hard to meet both at the same time. If you tell someone who needs to talk about it to stay silent, he suffers alone. If you spread a private person's business all over town, he heaps embarrassment on top of all his other painful emotions. How can a couple with very different needs get through fertility treatments without hurting each other?

My husband and I worked this out by agreeing to limit the information that got around. He was willing to compromise about my talking with my sister and a close friend about the details, but he wanted them to promise not to gossip about our situation. My sister and friend made a point of showing my husband that they did not feel any differently toward him just because we were struggling with fertility issues.

As time wore on, even my very private husband eventually found the need to talk about our issues with his parents and a friend who was going through the same thing. He found that it did help to talk to a friend about his feelings, so that helped him to understand my needs a little better. Also, it became hard to keep things quiet as I had to leave work regularly for fertility treatments. Fertility treatments are hard to keep quiet when they go on for years.

Communication is the key. Talk to your spouse and try to see his point of view. Then, reach a compromise that you both can live with.

Related Topics:

• Marriage
• How to Keep Your Marriage Alive in Spite of Infertility
• Keeping Your Marriage Alive

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