A big challenge when undergoing fertility procedures is staying in synch with your spouse. No two people think exactly alike, and both of you need to agree about what procedures to try in your quest to become parents. Some couples argue about the timing; others argue about which procedures to try. Still others argue about whether to seek professional help at all.

If you and your spouse are not in synch, don't despair: You are definitely not alone. As I shared in my post, Fertility Treatments and Marital Woes, my husband and I were not, either. Our marriage took some hits, but we came out of the experience as a stable couple and happy parents. You can do this, too.

Listen to Your Spouse's Feelings

I confess that I was never very good at this. I wanted a baby, and I wanted one now. We were going to do this my way in my timing. (Can you see why we had some issues?) On the rare occasions when I would actually listen to what my husband had to say, he made some valid points.

Listening to your spouse is not just about his opinions on what you should try next: It is also about connecting emotionally with your spouse. We women tend to let our emotions hang out while our husbands tend to be stoic about painful events. (Of course, there are exceptions.) I found that behind my husband's stoic facade was a man who was hurting, too. He hurt because he wanted a child, and he hurt because it was painful for him to see me hurting. He wanted to prevent my pain but was powerless to do so.

Talk About What Procedures to Try

As fertility procedures have become more sophisticated, there are many more options available, some of which are quite expensive. These procedures can be invasive and take a toll on you both physically and emotionally. Before you commit to "betting" $10,000 on an in vitro fertilization procedure, talk through the ramifications with your spouse. How will you both feel if you "lose" this bet?

Decide Together What to Keep Private

Fertility is a sensitive subject, and your spouse might be more private about these matters than you are. Talk about what things you and your spouse would like kept private, and respect what you decide.

Set Boundaries Together

In my post How to Set Boundaries in Fertility Procedures, I talk about how to set boundaries so that you do not get drawn into fertility procedures indefinitely. Develop a "game plan" with your spouse so you both are on the same page about when to stop trying a particular fertility treatment.

You and your spouse are likely to disagree on many issues regarding fertility treatments, but keep the lines of communication open. Try to view this time as preparation for talking with each other once your child joins your family.

Related Topics:

• Marriage
• How to Keep Your Marriage Alive in Spite of Infertility
• Keeping Your Marriage Alive

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