In a previous post, Adoption Does NOT Cure Infertility, I talked about some of the infertility losses that I have had to grieve despite being a mother through adoption. This post continues the discussion.

My son used to belong to a playgroup of children who were all close in age. When my son was around three years old, we went to a playgroup at a friend's house. There were seven of us there with our children. All of us had children around the age of three, and everyone other than me held a baby in her arms.

One of my friends said, "Isn't it funny how last year we were all sitting around talking about our pregnancies and now we all have our babies in our arms?" I felt the dam break with her words because I knew that it was not all of us. One of us never got to talk about her pregnancy, and one of us was not holding a baby in her arms.

I made it to the kitchen before I burst into tears. One of my friends came up behind me and held me in her arms as I sobbed. Of course, all of my friends felt terrible that I was crying, and I was very embarrassed because it was not their faults. They had ever right to celebrate their additions to their families.

I was surprised by the intensity of my reaction. After all, I was a mother and had been for three years. I really believed that infertility was behind me. I have since realized that adoption does not cure infertility.

Yes, I am a mother, but I am still an infertile woman. I still do not know what it is like to feel a baby growing inside of my body. Considering that I am pushing 40, it is unlikely that I will ever know that feeling.

While I am okay with not growing my family, I will always carry around a certain amount of sadness from missing out on such an incredible life experience. I have come to appreciate that infertility is a loss to be grieved. This loss does not have to define who I am, but I must acknowledge and grieve this loss, just like any other loss.

Related Topics:

• Surviving the Wait: Grieving Your Losses
• Infertility and Grief: A Transformative Process
• Don't Gamble with Grief
• Top 10 List of What You Need to Know about Infertility