Little things often remind me of how different people are. Infertility struggles can really emphasize the myriad of different ways that people cope, or approach situations and experiences. I, for example, am a very anxious person who worries about everything. That carried over into my infertility struggles as I literally obsessed about all of the implications and details. I strived to be able to realize that none of it was in my hands, but must admit that I pretty much failed in that effort. Instead, I tried to find out as much information as possible so I could try to tame my worry with knowledge about all that could go right or wrong and what I could do to help or hurt the process.
Even though there are a lot of people who face fertility challenges, it is rare that there are a lot of people in your social and family circle who are dealing with the same issues. Maybe more accurately, you are typically not surrounded by others in your day to day life who are willing to talk about their problems conceiving and the problems that arise emotionally and physically because of it. In my life, I did have friends who were also pursuing fertility treatments or just beginning to realize that they have issues but for one reason or another I was not able to open up and talk to them about some things. I couldn’t talk about my worry about my relationship with my husband to my friend who, because of fertility issues, was separated. I was unable to discuss my concern over frozen embryos and our decision of what to do with them because my friends enduring treatments would have given anything to have a second chance with a frozen embryo transfer. I was reluctant to open up to anyone about my doctor’s suggestion that we might consider selective reduction (medical concerns) because all of my friends and family were enthralled with the novelty of twins or triplets. The list is virtually endless.
That is why I was so thankful when I stumbled upon forums where women (and some men) were discussing all of these issues and many more. I was so grateful to be able to talk about the fear of the treatments not working, to get really helpful tips on how to make the progesterone shots less painful, and especially to be privy to conversations that are definitely “Too Much Information” in the “real” world. As I became more involved on the forum boards I noticed that the reasons for people being there were very, very broad. Some truly just wanted to hear someone say congratulations on their positive pregnancy test since they were keeping it quiet for a couple of months. Some wanted honest opinions on whether others felt it was time to move on to IVF, to go through with an IUI with a lot of eggs, or to see that others had success (or not) with a particular procedure they were considering. The vast majority of the forum participants were simply happy to have found someone that understood what they were going through and was going through it too. I know that for me that was what was so beneficial – having a sounding board and an empathetic ear that I did not have away from the forums. I hope that forums can provide you with this same valuable resource and that even though we are all not the same people and don’t have the same reactions, fears, concerns, or even the exact same hopes and dreams – we do share common issues and are going through similar experiences and it truly is helpful to “talk” to others who truly do “get it.”
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