In my last post, Starting a Fertility Support Group, I talk about how I formed a fertility support group. Rather than dictate the structure of the support group, I asked the participants at the first meeting what they were looking for. I tailored the support group to meet their needs, and it was quite successful in helping them along their journeys to parenthood. They have thanked me many times over for starting this support group because it made their journeys a little bit easier.

Because this was a church-sponsored support group, I chose the book Infertility: A Survival Guide for Couples and Those Who Love Them by Cindy Lewis Dake to springboard discussion topics. (I will do a book review in the next post.) However, this was just the "back up plan." Priority was always given to talking about whatever was bothering a group member. It took us a long time to move through the book because we often did not even get to the discussion topic for a meeting: Talking a member through his or her pain was always more important.

Confidentiality was a big issue. Everyone signed a "contract" stating that whatever was said in a meeting would stay there. Even the identity of the group members was confidential. We met at my house, rather than at the church, in order to ensure this.

When one member talked, the rest of us gave her our undivided attention. We remembered when a member had an important appointment, and we gave one another the freedom to talk about whatever we needed to talk about, no matter how graphic a member felt she needed to be. Most importantly, we truly cared about one another, and it showed.

We were also very respectful of one another. For example, one member did not want to hear the "A" word (adoption) as she struggled with trying to conceive, so nobody pushed that issue. Ironically, she is now a happy adoptive mother. She just needed to reach this place in her own way and in her own time.

We also gave one another the freedom to express our emotions. One group member cried at every single meeting, so I kept a big box of tissues handy and a trash can next to her chair. (She actually brought me several boxes of tissues to replenish the supply.) Nobody got antsy when she expressed her pain. We would hug her and give her the freedom to cry.

If you decide to form a support group, I strongly suggest that you follow the members' lead and tailor the group to be what they need it to be. Some people might want the freedom to cry; others might want the meetings to be informational with little emotion. If you tailor the group to meet your members' needs, then your support group is more likely to be successful.

Related Topics:

• Informal Support Groups
• How to Stay Sane While Going Through Infertility
• Keeping Your Emotional Footing through Infertility