One of the biggest challenges I faced while trying to become a mother was attending baby showers. This was an issue both during fertility procedures and while waiting to adopt. I wrote about this topic on my Hoping to Adopt blog as well:

• Surviving the Wait: Baby Showers
• Surviving the Wait: Baby Shower Survival Tips

Baby showers are hard. They are hard on you as you put on a "happy face" and pretend that your heart is not being ripped to shreds. They are hard on the mother-to-be, who wants a room filled with people who are truly happy about her impending arrival. Of course, in many cases, you will be sincerely happy for the mother-to-be: You will just be miserable for yourself at the same time.

How do you survive baby showers?

1. Do not attend unless you are very close to the mother-to-be.

Your best course of action is to avoid as many as you can. The mother-to-be will understand. Just send a present and try to forget about the occasion altogether.

2. Order presents online or chip in on a group gift.

Do whatever you can to distance yourself from the actual process of buying the baby gift. Chip in on a group gift, or choose a standard gift to send for all baby showers that is bookmarked on your computer. You want to get the transaction over with as quickly as possible.

3. Arrive late and leave early.

If you really need to attend a baby shower (such as for a best friend or sister), stay for a very limited time. Just make an appearance and then leave. If you are close to the mother-to-be, she will appreciate your efforts to attend at all.

4. Go to the baby shower with a friend.

Ask a friend to come with you to be your emotional support person. That way, if you break down, you have somebody to cover for you while you cry in the bathroom.

5. Do not host baby showers.

I hosted two baby showers while desperately wanting to become a mother, and it was very, very hard. A lot of work goes into the planning, so I had to think about babies repeatedly. I do not recommend hosting baby showers unless there is really no way to get out of it.

6. Be very gentle with yourself afterward.

After the baby shower, you are going to need some time for the emotional fallout. Go see a sad movie, or take a walk by yourself. Now is the time to nurture and comfort yourself.

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