A few weeks ago I received a letter through the network, asking about a very awkward situation. This gal is such a sweetie. She and her best friend were both pregnant at the same time. Her friend has recently lost her pregnancy and now the still pregnant friend is wondering the best way to support her grieving friend. Wow! I am very humbled to see how thoughtful this woman is trying to be. A true friend. I will be posting parts of my response here this week, and also some other resources as well. I’m also opening up the lines for anyone who has been on either side of this situation, for what they found helpful.
Here is a portion of my response:
> For myself, when I went through my miscarriages, the main thing that was helpful to me, was very gentle, loving, honesty. A close friend of mine and I were also pregnant at the same time and while my pregnancy failed, hers thrived. I was so happy for her, yet extremely jealous as well. It was so hard for both of us. Very uncomfortable. But we made it through by recognizing and verbalizing the discomfort. We never had long, drawn out talks about what had happened with our relationship, but did make direct statements about our feelings. There was more distance between us during this time, but we knew that our relationship probably needed it.>
> I did not go to her shower. I didn’t even give an excuse, but my sister was able to attend, bring my gift and make my apologies. Thankfully everyone understood and reacted with kindness towards my situation. I was so ashamed that I couldn’t be mature enough to attend and focus on her for
> an afternoon.
> Cards worked well too. She wrote down her sorrow for me. I wrote my joy for her. In awkward times it was nice to have these written words to fall back on.
> Try to remember her due date when it comes to honor it, maybe flowers or a card? The day that she gave birth was the hardest day for me. I stayed home and cried (bawled) for the majority of the day. I was scared for her and sad for me.
> After the baby was born, everything resolved. I love her to pieces and just fully experienced every little newborn/infant milestone along with her mom. In fact, during that stressful first week, I was able to go over and take care of the baby during a super hard day for my friend. It was so healing for all of us.