While you are facing infertility challenges and desperately trying to conceive a baby, adoption might not be an option you are considering. In fact, you might feel downright hostile toward the idea of raising a “stranger’s baby.” However, you might not always feel this way. It is okay to have a change of heart later.
Some people are always open to the idea of adopting. I was one of those people. I wanted to adopt a child ever since I saw the movie Pete’s Dragon when I was a little kid. I loved the idea of a homeless kid finding a forever family. However, other people, like my husband, never even considered adoption. He was very uncomfortable with the idea of “raising a stranger’s child.” Now, he loves our adopted son to pieces.
When we dream of becoming parents, most people think about a baby who has a blend of mommy and daddy’s physical features. We imagine a child with similar interests and intellectual abilities. It is a scary thought to many people to raise a child who shares none of these things. How can you know that you will even be able to love a “stranger’s child”?
All of these feelings and doubts are normal and have been experienced by many people who are now happy adoptive parents. Not every adoptive parent started out with a burning desire to adopt. Instead, some couples spend years exhausting their resources before finally accepting that conceiving a baby was not meant to be. However, accepting that you cannot conceive a baby is not the same thing as accepting that you will never be a parent. There is more than one way to become a parent.
In my post, A Different Kind of Fertility Success Story, I shared the story of my friends who are now the proud parents of a little boy who they adopted as a newborn. His mother was quite hostile toward any discussion of adoption early into her fertility treatments. She was determined to conceive, and if all it took was sheer force of will, she would have conceived. However, today she is very happy to be an adoptive mother and loves her son to pieces. Her change of heart took a long time in coming, but it happened.
Adoption might not be an option that you are willing to consider today. However, if you never succeed in conceiving a baby and still feel a strong desire to parent a child, you might have a change of heart. You might find that “raising a stranger’s child” sounds more appealing than never having anyone call you “mommy” or “daddy.” If that day comes, it is okay to change your mind. If you are like my friend, you will wind up being just as excited about adoption as you once opposed it.
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Photo Credit: Lynda Bernhardt
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