When I was going through fertility treatments, my doctor gave me pamphlet about how infertility is resolved. The pamphlet said that when I ended treatment, it would be in one of three ways:

1. I would conceive a child.
2. I would choose to live a childfree life.
3. I would adopt or foster a child.

For me, number 2 was never an option, but for many infertile couples, it is. I have met several older couples who are wonderful with children and who would have made great parents. I often learn that the couple was never able to conceive and, therefore, have lived a childfree life.

Some of these people find other ways to meet their need to parent. They might work in a school or day care. They might get involved with a youth group, the boy scouts, or another organization that caters to children. They might become very active in their church with children, such as by teaching Sunday School or Children's Church. These people are such a blessing to parents who want other positive adult role models in their children's lives.

Some couples find a way to grieve the loss of never parenting a child and fill their lives with other things, such as traveling or collecting antiques. Others wind up adopting animals and treating their pets like the children they never had. These people might become very active in an animal rescue or animal shelter and pour their love into the animals.

Because I was always open to the option of adoption, it is hard for me to understand accepting that a person will never be a parent if she truly wants to be one. There was no way that I was going to rest until a child called me "mommy." Period. However, for many couples, adoption is not an option for them. I would have expected those people to live a lifetime feeling incomplete and empty, but that has not been the experience of many couples I have met who chose a childfree life after infertility. Many of them believe that having children was not meant to be and have made peace with that loss. They have instead found other ways to meet their needs.

Related Topics:

Childfree/Ending Treatment category

Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt