Some couples spend a very long time trying to conceive. Birthdays and holidays pass year after year, and people who are struggling with their fertility feel like they are just spinning their wheels. Several years seem like one big blur of pain and disappointment.

Meanwhile, the lives of their friends continue to grow and change. They watch their friends' children go from diapers to preschool to Little League. Friends meet their spouses, marry, and have babies in their arms during the span of some infertile couples' quest for parenthood.

Then there are the milestones that pass while trying to conceive. I got very upset as my 30th birthday approached, not because I was turning 30 but because there were books written for conceiving after age 30. How was it possible that I was already moving into the age range in which special books were needed?

Like most women, I had dreams about how my family would grow. Those dreams did not involve multiple visits to a doctor's office each month and examining every nuance of my body in the hopes of finding a sign that I had finally conceived.

When I started trying to conceive, one of my good friends got engaged. I was trying to conceive as she planned her wedding, honeymooned, and later decided to try to have a baby. I was running to the doctor's office month after month as this friend succeeded in conceiving, miscarried, conceived again, and gave birth to a healthy little girl. I was still trying to become a mother as I celebrated this little girl's first and then second birthday.

For me, nothing drove home how long it was taking for me to become a mother than watching the changes in my friends' lives. While their lives were changing as they married and became parents, mine stayed the same year after year. I felt left out as my friends experienced pregnancy, labor, and parenthood while I could not even get out of the starting gate.

Even today, our families are different. My son is the same age, if not younger, than most of those friends' youngest children. I have had to grieve the loss of experiencing those major life events with my friends.

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Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt