When I was facing my infertility challenges, my husband's denial was my biggest obstacle. One of the first tests that infertility doctors run is a semen analysis, and it is kind of hard to do that without semen. Convincing a spouse who is in denial to provide a semen sample is quite a challenge.

Hub did not want to face that we had fertility issues. As I look back from the perspective of 11-1/2 years later, it is actually quite comical. Considering that we have used no birth control since mid-1996, have undergone three surgeries and numerous inseminations to no avail, and have adopted a child who is now seven years old, I would hope that his denial has finally lifted. It was a long time before his veil of denial came off, and it probably happened when I ripped the veil off his head and shredded it in a blender so he could not put it back on!

Fertility procedures are difficult no matter what your life circumstances are. They are doubly hard when your spouse presents an added obstacle that you must navigate. This can take its toll on your marriage if you are not careful.

In my case, hub lagged behind me in his acceptance of what we were facing by months and, in some cases, by years. By the time he acknowledged that we had a fertility issue and should put our energy into treatment, I was reaching a place of accepting that conception was never going to happen. I don't believe that he reached the place of accepting that he would never have a biological child until he held his adopted son in his arms. That was 4-1/2 years after we started trying to conceive.

Facing infertility challenges is hard, but it is doubly hard when you and your spouse are not on the same page. If hub had been married to a woman who was okay with things taking years to move along, then things might have been fine (although they would have remained childless). But, that is not who he married. Instead, we spent 4-1/2 years of me figuratively beating him over the head so he would open his eyes and face the truths that were right in front of him.

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Photo Credit: Lynda Bernhardt