Lessons I Have Learned Through Infertility: Assertiveness

January 3rd, 2008

Posted By: Faith

Armadillo

When my husband and I first got together, I was a “yeah, sure” kind of person. I just wanted to be loved, and I wanted my husband to be happy, so I pretty much let him lead the way in our marriage. He made most of the decisions in our marriage, from what to eat to how to spend our time. He was no dictator: I simply rarely offered an opinion. I was happy to let him be in charge. All of this changed when it came to starting a family.

My husband always got a “deer in the headlights” look on his face whenever the topic of children came up. We agreed that we wanted to have children, and we also agreed that we would shoot for having them about five years into our marriage. When the time came, my husband tried to delay starting our family, but I insisted that we move forward.

When we failed to conceive after a few months, I was the one who made an appointment to see a fertility specialist. I was the one who insisted that my husband provide a semen sample to determine whether his sperm count was low. Considering that I had always been a docile wife, you can imagine his shock at my insistence upon this. I was the one who drove the entire process through trying to conceive and then, later, through adopting a baby.

I had never had much of a backbone, but my very strong drive to become a mother caused me to grow one. My very deep desire to parent a child pushed me through many obstacles, and I learned how to assert myself to get what I wanted. Before I faced infertility, I rarely asserted myself about anything.

Assertiveness is a trait that has served me well. I now have no trouble being assertive (much to my husband’s chagrin at times!). I have used my assertiveness to advocate for change in a number of areas, even in speaking before the School Board about issues affecting my kid’s school. It feels good to make known how I feel about a situation and have the courage to make a difference.