In my last post, TV Show “Friends”: Final Season and Infertility, I talked about how unfair it was that Monica, who had always wanted to be a mother, was unable to conceive while her friend, Rachel, had a surprise pregnancy. Monica was married, and her “nest” was all ready for a baby. Meanwhile, Rachel was a single woman who was focused on her career, and her surprise pregnancy was very much a situation in which she had to rise to the occasion. I am not saying that women with surprise pregnancies cannot turn out to be good mothers: I personally know many who have. I am saying that it is unfair that any woman who truly desires to be a mother and has a “nest” already prepared should have to face infertility.
Unfortunately, just as on the TV show, sometimes these women are friends with each other, and that makes for a very difficult dynamic. You have a woman who is desperately trying to become a mother, and she needs the support of her friends. What happens when one of those friends has a surprise pregnancy? The expecting mother needs her friends, too, but can these two women who are in very painful places really be there for each other under these circumstances?
I believe that friends in these situations can support each other, but it will be very hard. It was hard enough for me to stay close with my sister and my friend when they became pregnant during my infertility years, even though both babies were coming into homes with “nests” in place. I would have had a hard time offering emotional support for “rising to the occasion” when I would have given anything to be pregnant myself. It would be hard to comfort a woman about the “unexpected blessing.”
On the flip side, I would imagine it would be extremely hard for a women struggling with an unexpected pregnancy to lean on a friend who desperately wants a child. Both women are in such different places: It would be hard to bridge the gap. However, I would like to believe that if the friendship is strong enough, they can find a way to be there for each other.
Have any of you been in this situation? How did you handle it?
Related Topics:
- In/Fertile Friends? How to deal, sort of!
- Infertility: Surviving Meeting a Newborn
- How to Stay Sane While Going Through Infertility
++++++++++++
For information/instructions on how to subscribe FREE to this blog, please visit this link.
Related posts:
