When you are struggling to conceive one of the things you long for the most is just to be normal. Nothing could make my jealousy peak more than when someone would tell of the fun and unique way they told their partner they were expecting. The innocence of a newly pregnant woman at only 8 weeks already planning her nursery and thinking about names would make me green with envy. The couple who talked about planning to have Johnny or Sally in the summer to coincide with vacation from teaching would literally make me want to scream. All of those reactions are very “normal” when you get pregnant easily, but when you stare at negative pregnancy tests month after month you can get very jaded and reluctant to let yourself be happy.
When you have suffered loss, or when you have to work really hard each month to try to conceive, that joy and excitement is definitely tempered when and if you finally get pregnant, and it is completely understandable! That is why I am a firm believer that when you finally are pregnant that you have every right to act like it. One of the strangest feelings throughout the infertility journey is the moment when your infertility doctor sends you on your way to your regular ob/gyn. When you visit your regular doctor you are treated like any other patient and it is really easy to feel neglected. When you go from frequent appointments, monitoring, and close attention to every detail at the office of your Reproductive Endocrinologist, once monthly check-ups can seem like an eternity and, believe me, it is easy to feel lost in the shuffle. It was difficult to realize at the moment, but I should have reveled in the normalcy of being treated like a regular patient.
Because I wanted a baby for so long, and tried for so many years it was quite a shock that pregnancy wasn’t all wonderful. There are many of you reading this who are struggling who might think it is tacky of me to say that something that you want and crave and would do almost anything for isn’t amazing at all times, but I am over the guilt and into being honest. I feel incredibly blessed to finally have a family and to have had the experience of carrying a child. The fact is, though, that no matter how you got to that point pregnancy can be tough. Hormones are raging, you can be sick and tired and worried to death about the little baby you are carrying, and all in all you might be surprised that you are having very normal thoughts about pregnancy. I just hope that you don’t also have guilt about those thoughts because you feel as though you don’t deserve them since pregnancy is what you have worked so hard for. I look at it a different way – you worked so hard to get pregnant and endured so much that you have every right to behave just like the “normal” pregnant woman that you have always wanted to be. I hope that isn’t offensive to those of you still on the infertility roller coaster – just know that when you are in the same shoes you will most certainly want the opportunity to gripe and moan on occasion too, at least in the first trimester!